Girl Meets Season 3
by FangirlForever95
Summary: Maya's POV of Season 3, my version. The chapters will be episodes, with the original names, and including some general spoilers of the episodes, but with a twist. Lucaya, and eventually Riarkle.
1. Girl Meets High School Part 1

Chapter 1 - Girl Meets High School (Part 1)

Maya could hear the loving discourse of the Matthews household even from outside the door. Riley was talking animatedly, and her parents were trying to calm her down. Maya smiled to herself, taking a deep breath before she walked through the door she knew would always be open.

'Morning,' she said, kicking the door shut with her boot as she strode over to the table. The family looked up at its surrogate member, all with smiles, but none bigger than Riley's.

'Peaches!' She said, throwing her arms so far open it seemed like they would snap off.

'Honey!' Maya copied her movement, and the two embraced at the awkward angle of Riley still sitting and Maya standing.

'Honey and Peaches go to high school!' Riley enthused.

'Maya,' said Topanga, sliding a plate of pancakes over next to Riley, 'breakfast.'

'Breakfast,' Maya said, letting go of Riley. She looked at the plate of pancakes resting on the place that had been set for her before she even arrived and smiled, before turning to Topanga. 'I actually already ate. My mom made me breakfast this morning. She wasn't late for work or anything. She just wanted to see me on-'

'Of course, Maya,' said Topanga, smiling broadly. 'That's great. Auggie, have at 'em.' The youngest Matthews launched himself at the plate before his mother had uttered her last syllable.

'You guys want a ride?' Cory asked them, sipping his coffee. Then he grinned. 'Cause, you know, I'm going to high school, too.'

'Yeah, we know, Matthews,' Maya said. 'Or should we say Feeny?'

'Feen-eh,' Riley said, bobbing her head.

'Fee-hee-hee-hee-eeneh!' Maya added, as both girls erupted in fits of laughter.

'Girls, if you want to take the subway, go now,' Topanga warned, tapping the face of her watch.

'Going.' Said Maya. 'Come on, Riles. Let's go before Feeny spoils today's lesson.'

Riley got up and the two hightailed it out of there before they got stuck riding into school with their teacher on the first day. Nothing about that sounded like it would make the right impression. Riley worried it would ruin her "street cred", even though Maya reminded her she'd never been to the proverbial street, and Maya was worried no one would be afraid of her if she turned up to school with someone who drove a hybrid and was prone to saying things like "I'm bringing sexy back".

They clattered down the steps to the subway, desperate to get out of the rain that had just started to pelt down.

'Great way to start high school,' Maya said, brushing off her leather jacket. 'Soaking wet.'

'Oh, lighten up, Maya. Things can only get better,' said Riley Sunshine, grinning at the commuters pushing past each other to get to the turnstiles. 'I have my subway pass, we look good, and we're going to high school. We're women now. High school women. Smart, sophisticated, and-' she fell. 'And apparently still super klutzes,'

'Hey, not everything can change at once, Riles. We wouldn't be able to keep up,' said Maya, trying to cheer her up as she helped her up.

'Some things have just stopped,' Riley said somberly.

And just like that they were back to Lucas.

He wasn't exactly a sore subject between the girls, mostly because they did their best not to make him a subject. Maya knew Riley had been talking to Lucas, because she'd seen her emails while borrowing the laptop, but she'd never mentioned it or asked after him. Riley hadn't mentioned him either. He'd gone to Texas just a few days after graduation, and since then, Maya and Riley had gone back to before they even knew him. They didn't discuss him, and whenever Farkle or Zay mentioned him, they changed the subject, both of them to spare the other the heartache. They were still sisters, but Maya knew that it weighed on both of them, after all these years, having something they couldn't talk about.

Maya, for her part, hadn't spoken to Lucas all summer. She'd studiously avoided his messages, and his emails. If he could cop out, she could too. If he could avoid the situation, so could she. Better than him, probably. Meticulously. Three times when she'd been hanging out with Zay he'd called. Zay said he was always asking after her, but she insisted he never know that she was there during the phone calls, and Zay, being the perceptive, all around great guy he was, hadn't said a word.

'Yeah, about that,' Maya said carefully. 'I figure it's all back to normal, right? Everything's stopped, just like I- I mean he, said.' She'd said once she wanted it to stop. She'd just never realized how much it sucked to be in this extended holding pattern. Like they couldn't move but the winds of change blew them further apart anyway. 'Hasn't it?'

'I guess. I mean, I still like him. And I know you do, too. But we're friends. We're all friends,' said Riley, as if she was trying to work it out. 'I mean, we're friends with him. You and me are sisters.'

'Sisters.' Maya agreed, reaching for Riley's hand as the subway doors flew open.

By the time they got to school, things felt so normal Maya had almost forgotten they weren't at JQA anymore. Until they walked through the double doors and everyone was bigger than them. And there was shouting, and more people than she'd ever seen in such a small space, and considering she lived in New York, that said something.

She and Riley stuck together as they made their way to their lockers, which, in some odd twist, were assigned by class instead of alphabet. So when they got to the freshman block, Farkle was already by his.

'Hey, guys,' he said, waving. He'd grown again over the summer, and was now officially legitimately hot. Even Maya had to admit it.

'Farkle,' Maya said as Riley hugged him enthusiastically, 'Where's the _ladies_?'

'I'm retiring that catchphrase,' he said, especially since I got one now,' And as if out of nowhere, Smackle appeared beside Farkle, smiling more than Maya had ever seen her.

She'd forgotten Smackle had decided to forgo genius school to go to high school with them. Apparently, she wanted more than just scholastic brilliance, she wanted real friends, too. She and Farkle as a couple were strangely...correct.

'Hey, Smacks,' Maya said, chuckling at Smackle's look of displeasure. Riley nudged her gently, reminding her that Smackle hated that nickname, but Maya maintained she'd get used to it.

'Lucas,' Farkle said suddenly, his eyes cast over Maya's head. She and Riley turned, and there he was.

He was tanned, his hair looked blonder, his eyes bluer, his shoulders broader. The situation seemed suckier than it had three months ago, and suckier even than it had three minutes ago, when he wasn't here.

'Hey, Farkle,' Lucas said, glancing at Smackle. 'I'm not gonna say hi to Smackle, because, well, I don't want her to accuse me of harassment,'

Smackle eyed Lucas cautiously, Farkle looked at Riley like she would break, and Maya looked at her friends, almost ready to scream.

'Lucas,' said Riley, breaking the silence. 'Hey.'

'How's it going?'

Riley frowned at his question, her lips beginning to purse.

'No, Hee Haw, you're supposed to say _hi_ ,' Maya told him, imitating that strange way he and Riley used to greet each other. It was a strange kind of exhalation. One she didn't feel, and had never felt. Certainly not with Lucas.

'Um,' was all Lucas could say, his eyes sliding to Maya as if he was nervous of her reaction.

'Go on,' she urged.

Lucas turned to Riley and cleared his throat. 'Hi,'

'Hey,' she replied, smiling.

'Hey,' Lucas said, smiling dutifully. Maya could tell he didn't find this amusing, only Riley's adherence to convention.

'Hi,' said Riley. She stared at him lovingly for precisely three seconds, and then straightened up. 'Okay, do it with Maya now,'

'What?'

'Say hi to Maya. It's not fair if you only do it with me, is it?' Riley insisted, leaning over and turning Lucas towards Maya. He was too close face to face, so Maya stepped back, sighing. 'Go on. Say hi.'

'Hi,' Lucas said easily.

'I don't wanna play.' Maya said, stepping away from both of them.

'But Maya,' Riley insisted, 'we're _all_ friends.'

'I can be friends with Lucas and greet him a different way. Like,' she turned to Lucas, 'Wassup?'

Lucas seemed puzzled. Maybe it was her turn of phrase, but most likely it was because she hadn't spoken to him all summer, and now she was addressing him as if nothing was wrong, as if she'd seen him yesterday. Maya knew it was weird, but it didn't even make it on the top ten weirdest moments of the past year, so she pushed on.

'Anyway. Can we all get to class?'

'Yeah. My dad will be mad if we're late.' Riley said, leading the way. Cory had let both Maya and Riley into school last week so that they could familiarize themselves with the layout, so they knew where everything way already. 'Maya, where's Zay?'

'Don't know,' Maya said. 'He texted me at like, six this morning saying he was getting ready so I don't know why he's late,'

Only Lucas was confused by the fact that Maya knew where Zay was. He was the only one who hadn't witnessed their becoming close over the summer.

'Zay texted you?' He asked.

'Yeah. What, you think you're the only one with Zay's phone number?' Maya asked as they entered the classroom.

'I didn't even know Zay had a phone.'

The History classroom, at least, looked almost the same. It was the other way around, but it was the same. Two rows of seats sat empty for the gang of now six to occupy. Riley took her regular seat, but when Maya went to occupy the seat next to her, she noticed a name card on it.

'Farkle?'

'That's not my seat,' Farkle said.

'It is now,' said Cory, seated on his desk. 'Take a seat, Farkle. You're behind Riley now, Maya.'

'You can't tell us where to sit,' Maya protested.

'Yes, I can, Maya,' said Cory calmly. 'Sit down.'

'No.' Maya said. 'No, I ain't doing it. Two minutes in high school and you've already turned into a dictator.' What she meant was, why do more things have to change.

Cory looked at her in a way that made her feel measured, and a way that made him look not quite angry, but stern. Almost like a normal teacher.

Maya sat down.

'Mr. Matthews-' Lucas started, but Cory raised his hand.

'Sit down, Mr. Friar. Two seats behind Farkle. You're behind Mr. Babineaux now.' Cory said, nodding to Lucas's new seat.

Smackle took her seat behind Maya, and Lucas glanced at Maya on the way back to his. His expression told her what she already knew. He agreed with her, and he'd have fought for her, given the chance. It wasn't enough, but it was something.

* * *

'I heard a freshman totally beat up Karl Heskins,'

'I heard Karl's in the hospital,'

'Did you hear about that freshman? Luke something?'

'I know. He laid out a senior!'

The school was abuzz. Who could blame the students for talking about it. A freshman had apparently taken on a senior, and actually managed to do significant damage. If rumors were to be believed. Not that they were, necessarily. And Maya was having a hard time believing that Lucas had done that.

It had happened midway through History. Cory was talking about the French revolution. Of course he would be. A ruling class that had staved off any kind of change or adjustment as long as humanly possible. Whose platitudes and efforts to patch things up had cost them their lives in the end. That had been tough going.

But then Zay had texted Maya. He hadn't come to class, and no one knew why, but then Maya got that text. _911 get lucas._ For better or worse, Zay had needed him, so she leant over to his seat and handed him her phone. He got up and left three seconds later. She had no idea how he'd found Zay, or how their bat signal usually worked, but by the time she got out of history class, the word was that Lucas had found him, and a notoriously nasty senior named Karl Heskins.

That much was probably true. The rest of it probably wasn't. Lucas wasn't Texas Lucas anymore. If he was, Mr. Matthews and Mr. Feeny were both wrong. And they weren't. She had more faith in them than that. She had more faith in Lucas than that.

Riley did not share this opinion. She'd found Lucas at lunch by his locker and they hadn't stopped bickering since. She asked him if he did it. He said he wouldn't answer that, because if she didn't believe him then his answer wouldn't count, and back and forth they went. Zay stood on the other side of the hallway, watching the exchange but forbidden to clarify anything, and Maya stood with him. It seemed they always took refuge together in these hard times. At least this time there was no hose.

'But Mandy told me!' Riley said vehemently, her hands now on her hips.

'So you'll believe some stranger, but you won't have any faith in me?' Lucas shot back. 'You won't believe that I'm a different person now, that I'm not that guy anymore?'

'I won't ask you to tell me,' Maya said to Zay, tuning out her arguing friends, 'But _is_ he a different guy now?'

Zay glanced back at his old friend, and then back to his new one. He put an arm around Maya's shoulders, and she leant her head on his arm. 'You know the answer to that, Blondie,'

'Yeah,' she said, her eyes drifting over to Lucas, 'I do.'

No more than five seconds later, a brown haired girl Maya recognized from History class ambled over into her peripheral vision.

'Hey, what's up with them?' She asked in nasal voice, as if it was any of her business. Maya looked her over and decided this girl was going to be lippy. She could see it now, some lurking criticizer of the group dynamic who had semi regular cameos in the story of their lives. 'Is she having a fight with her boyfriend?'

Maya stiffened at the word, and Riley heard it. The whole hallway went quiet. Suddenly Riley and Lucas seemed to remember they weren't alone. Riley turned to Maya, guilt stricken, and Lucas turned to Zay with a strange expression on his face.

'Maya,' Riley said quickly, beckoning Maya over, 'You have to come fight with him too.'

Maya rolled her eyes. 'I don't wanna.'

'You have to,' Riley said, scurrying over and pulling Maya away from Zay and back towards Lucas. She pulled Maya to where she had been standing and positioned her to face Lucas. 'Go on,'

'I...' Maya said, glancing up at Lucas, who didn't look any more convinced about this idea.

'Lucas, yell at her,' Riley said, poking Lucas in the arm.

'Maya,' Lucas said finally, fixing his eyes on her. He was serious. The way he was in Texas. 'What do you think about this whole thing?' And she couldn't handle it. Again.

'Ha-hurr.' It was half hearted, and cold, and not even in the full on southern drawl she used to use, but Lucas understood it. It was her sidestepping, again, and he was mad. _Don't look at me like that_ , she wanted to say, _you sidestepped first_. She turned back to Riley. 'Happy now? He's annoyed at me, too. Are we done here?'

She didn't wait for them to answer before she stormed off.

She thought Zay would follow her. Then she thought better of it, because she knew he probably had some snarky and useful wisdom about the nature of human condition to pass on to their friends. Riley and Lucas needed him. Maya needed...a freaking break.

She'd asked for it to stop. Lucas had said it would. But it didn't. It didn't stop it just...kept spinning. Just in the same place. And it was making her feel dizzy, and sick, and out of sorts. She had Lit class to think about, and she had to figure out a way to pass algebra without asking Farkle for help, but all she could think about was this stupid mess. Maya hadn't imagined a lot of relationships in her life, but in the few she had, she wasn't in a three-way with her best friend.

She opened her locker, and frowned. Why did she have to get a high one? She couldn't even reach the top shelf. Zay would have to get her books for her. And when he wasn't there she'd have to get a chair. Curse being short. Curse being Maya.

She put her head inside the locker and rested her cheek against the cool metal. Her breathing sounded louder, but the cold quelled the blush in her cheeks.

'That used to be my locker,' a voice said from out in the hallways behind her. 'I used to do that a lot, too.'


	2. Girl Meets High School Part 2

Maya looked up to find a girl a few years older than her standing a few paces back. She was pretty, with dark wavy hair with ombre highlights, and big eyes, and a knowing gaze that reminded Maya of Zay. She was wearing black ripped jeans and booties Maya immediately coveted, and a camisole over a burgundy leather jacket.

'Tough day, huh?' She asked.

Maya shrugged. 'What would make you think that?'

'You're crying,' The girl said, pointing at Maya's face. Maya brushed some tears away from her cheeks. _Great_ , she thought, _I am so not in control of my emotions, I can't even tell what they are anymore_. 'Are you okay?'

'Yup. Why wouldn't I be?'

'Which brings us back to the crying,' the girl replied, smiling in as comforting a manner as anyone could. 'You want to talk about it? We are locker siblings after all,'

She didn't know what made her do it. Call it insanity, a moment of weakness, whatever it was, she closed her locker and leant her back against it. 'Me and my best friend like this guy-'

'Hey, Nikki,'

Nikki looked behind her. Maya followed her gaze to a very pretty blonde. Polished and wearing a preppy outfit, the blonde wore a smile that looked like it hurt.

'Hey, Fran,' Nikki said, mustering a smile that had very little warmth to it.

Fran stopped quite a way away from Maya and Nikki, shifting uncomfortably. 'Long time no see,'

'I've been busy,' Nikki said quickly.

'Yeah, of course. Me, too. AP classes, and college prep,'

'Yeah. I meant to call you back last week, but, you know, busy.' Nikki said, and then as a lull settled in she turned to Maya. 'This is...'

'Maya,' answered Maya, eyeing both girls with curiosity. They knew each other well, she could tell, at some point. She wondered what had gone so wrong.

'We're locker siblings,' Nikki explained, pointing to the locker block.

Fran smiled. 'Oh. Right. I had the locker right next to yours Freshman year, remember?'

Nikki thawed all of a sudden, and the light of memories seemed to return to her eyes. 'Yeah. You had all those pictures of cats taped inside,'

'Oh my gosh, yes!' Fran squealed, stepping closer to her old friend, 'and remember Thor would-' she stopped speaking abruptly, her eyes widening when she realized what she'd said. Both her and Nikki's gazes dropped to the ground, and an awkwardness set in. An awkwardness Maya knew all too well. It was like she'd stepped through the looking glass.

The chorus of nearing voices shattered the bubble of weirdness.

'It's just down here,' a gruff voice called.

'Thank you so much,' a familiar, but equally deep, voice said in response.

'We just got so turned around. I thought I knew my way around but we-' Riley stopped talking when she saw Maya.

Lucas and Riley were in the company of an older boy, who looked sort of like Lucas three years from now. And Future Lucas looked about as happy to see Nikki and Fran as Maya was to see Riley and Lucas.

'Thor,' Fran was the first to speak.

'Hey, Fran,' said Future Lucas/Thor. Then he looked at Nikki with a half smile and said, 'Nik.'

'Thor.' Nikki replied.

Riley and Lucas were apparently not as interested in this older dynamic as Maya was, because they came over to her without a backward glance, Riley in the lead.

'Maya,' Lucas said, as if something was going to come after that. But then Riley hugged her, and nothing did.

'Lucas.' Maya said in reply.

Riley raised her hand. 'Riley!'

'Okay,' said Nikki, loud enough for all five of the others to stop and look at her. 'Is anyone else choking on the deja vu right now?'

Maya raised her hand. 'Kinda.'

'What are you talking about?' Riley asked, raising an eyebrow at Nikki, and then at Maya. 'Who is that?'

'That's Nikki.' Maya told her. Then she looked at Fran, who looked a little green at that moment, and Thor, who looked like he was trying to will himself out of existence. 'And that's Fran, and Thor. They're...us.'

The moment she said it, Nikki's face confirmed it. She and Fran both liked Thor. But he wasn't dating either of them. At some point, they probably thought that was a way to stay friends, but one look at them could tell it was a three pronged wedge, keeping all of them apart. Maya had felt it just in the three months since graduation, she couldn't imagine what it would be like feeling it for three years. She felt sorry for them, but she also felt a burning desire to learn from the mistakes of her locker sister.

'What do you mean they're us?' Riley asked, glancing over at Nikki again. Her eyes swiveled to Fran, and then to Thor, and her eyes narrowed. Finally she had her epiphany. 'You guys both like him,' she said to the older girls.

When Nikki said nothing, Fran answered for both of them. 'Yeah, we do. Did, a long time ago.'

'And you liked them?' Lucas asked Thor, suddenly having found his voice.

Thor looked up, as if surprised someone was speaking to him, and flashed Lucas a rueful smile. 'Yeah, since Freshman year. I still do. They're the best people I know.'

'But you're not dating either of them,' Riley clarified.

'We thought it was best if we all stayed friends,' said Fran, glancing at the other two. Nikki was rubbing one of her arms, and Thor was watching Nikki like she wasn't going to be there two seconds later.

'But you're not really friends, are you?' Maya persisted, looking between them. They all looked up. 'This...whatever it is has driven a wedge between all of you. I can see it. You two used to be locker buddies, and now you barely even talk. And you,' she accused, pointing at Thor, 'when was the last time you had a real conversation with either of them? Being stuck in limbo for three years does not make you friends.'

Fran and Nikki looked away, but Thor kept looking at Maya, a smile forming on his lips. 'You got yourself a little mini me there, eh, Nik?'

Nikki looked at Thor, then at Maya, just beginning to smile. 'Looks like it.' She said. 'And she's right. We were best friends before all this happened. All of this liking each other messed it up.'

'I think nobody making a decision messed it all up.' Thor said. Even though he was looking at the floor, it sounded like a snipe.

'Say that a little louder for the people in the back, why don't you?' Nikki shot back, craning around Fran to glower at Thor.

'I said, we all agreed that you and Fran were going to talk it out, and three years later...never happened,' he said. Maya noticed he didn't seem to blame Fran at all.

'Does that make you the paradigm of innocence here?' Nikki snapped. 'Like you need someone else to tell you how _you_ feel!'

'I agreed to it because I didn't want this to happen!'

'Uh, newsflash, it happened anyway!'

'Guys,' Fran interrupted, turning to look at them both. Both Thor and Nikki stopped arguing and turned away from one another.

Maya's temples were throbbing. Was this really them in three years? Unable to have even on conversation without arguing, avoiding each other, acting like strangers. If it was she would give up right now. This wasn't worth losing her friends.

'I have to go,' Fran said suddenly, glancing at Thor again. He wouldn't even look at her. 'Class starts in a few minutes, and I have to prep my apparatus. I'll see you guys around.'

She scurried down the hallways at a rate of naughts. Both Nikki and Thor looked after her, both seeming like they wanted to move, but neither did.

'Well, as you can see,' Nikki said to Maya, 'Something like this can really change your friendships,'

'You could fix it,' Riley chimed in, suddenly beside Maya, holding her hand. 'If you guys just talked-'

'I think it's a little late for that,' said Nikki, glancing back at Thor, who seemed like such a spare part in the wake of the argument. 'I think...too much time has passed for anything to change. Or maybe things have changed too much. I don't know. But what I do know, is that you guys aren't there yet. Don't let it get there, okay?' Nikki implored them, looking down at Maya and Riley's intertwined hands. 'See you later, locker sister. Bye, Riley. Lucas.'

When Nikki left the opposite direction to Fran, Thor watched her go. A moment later, he went in the same direction as Fran. Maya and Riley looked over at each other, and Maya knew they both understood the gravity of what they'd witnessed. A future without each other. It seemed unbearable, so unfair and unnecessary.

'Let's not fight,' Riley said, taking Maya's hand again. 'I won't push you guys to do anything anymore, okay?'

'Yeah, Riles,' Maya said, smiling at her friend. 'It's okay.

But it wasn't. When she and Riley hugged, she caught Lucas's eye over Riley's shoulder. She wondered if things would ever be okay again.

* * *

When Maya and Riley got to Topanga's after school, having patched things up as much as they could in the middle of a Math class, Farkle and Lucas were in what looked to be a very deep discussion. Zay was sitting on one of the big chairs, watching them with a slightly smug look.

'Hey, guys,' Riley said, waving.

Farkle immediately moved to a chair instead of the couch, and Lucas moved to let Riley sit down, just enough that there was space on the other side of him, as if he obnoxiously assumed that she would want to sit next to him too.

'Move,' Maya said to Zay, and Zay moved just enough on the chair for Maya to sit on it as well. Lucas eyed her curiously, and Maya ignored it. 'So, what are we talking about?'

'Nothing.' Lucas said quickly.

'Farkle?' Riley asked. She was so aware of the soft spot Farkle had for her. Something about that irked Maya, and it had been ever since New Year's, but she shoved it down with the rest of the irks.

'I was asking Lucas what's going on with you three,' Farkle admitted.

'Is it really any of your business, Farkle?' Maya snapped at him.

'Maya,' said Riley, pointedly. But Maya just ignored her.

The genius looked taken aback. 'I was only asking,' he said. 'I saw Riley and Lucas fighting-'

'He was fighting with Maya, too,' Riley added quickly.

'Wait,' Farkle said, holding up his hand. To Maya he said, 'You and Lucas are fighting?'

'No, Farkle, _you and I_ are fighting right now.' Maya snapped at him, sitting forward.

'Well, at least nobody's fighting with me,' Zay said.

'Shut up, Zay.' Maya growled.

'Would everyone calm down?' Riley begged, sighing. 'Lucas is getting in fights, Maya, you're yelling at everyone, and Farkle, you're just making everything worse. It's like you've all gone down the rabbit hole,'

'You put us in this hole, Riley,'

Everyone went quiet when Farkle said that. It was perhaps the worst thing he could have said to Riley. Making her feel responsible for the disintegration of the group dynamic. It was cruel, and only partially fair, and so uncharacteristic of Farkle.

Riley's whole face crumbled when he said that. Maya saw it. Anyone could have. She looked like she was about to cry. Maya had never wanted to cook Farkle in Sludge more than she did in that moment. How freaking dare he.

'I thought this whole thing had hit rock bottom,' Zay started, glancing at Maya.

She caught the hint. 'And then Farkle goes and grabs a shovel.'

* * *

The next day, no one said a word during Cory's class. His lecture about the french proletariat was not once interrupted by his mouthiest pupils. More than once he stopped as if he was waiting for someone to talk, but no one said anything.

Farkle didn't have Farkle Time.

Zay didn't make a joke.

Riley didn't express her sympathy for the poor unfortunates.

Maya just doodled in her notebook.

By the time the bell rang, Cory had had enough.

'You, you, you, you, and you,' he said to the five, pointing at them, 'Stay.'

'I will wait outside for you, Farkle.' Smackle said, sliding her books into her bag and leaving the room with the other students.

'Right.' Cory said, sitting atop his desk. 'What's going on with you guys?'

'Nothin'.' Maya said, when no one else spoke.

'I gave a whole lecture today,' Cory said, shaking his head. 'And nobody said nothin'. Not one comment about your lives. Guys, I'm losing my teacher cred here,'

'It's not you, Mr. Matthews,' Farkle assured him. 'We're all just going through a hard time right now.'

'Maybe that's because _some_ of us don't know when to keep their noses out,' Maya suggested pointedly.

'Or because _some_ of us don't answer questions,' Riley said, turning around to glare at Lucas.

'Or because none of you will just have an honest conversation?' Farkle pointed out, looking to Cory for support.

Cory seemed to think on this for a moment, then he looked at Zay. 'What do you think about all this, Mr. Babineaux?'

'I think I wish I had some popcorn. 'Cause y'all are better than cable.' Zay said, looking around at his friends. 'I mean, dang. Y'all are supposed to be best friends but you're acting like you don't even wanna be around each other no more.' Zay. Always right somehow.

'I don't think that's really true,' Lucas piped up, earning himself a glare from Maya.

'Oh, now you got something to say, Yoko?'

'Okay, Maya. Make fun of my being from Texas as much as you want, but don't call me that. That's not fair and you know it.' Lucas growled. The look he was giving Maya was one that told her to back down, but screw him. She wasn't afraid of him. He couldn't pick up a bed with one arm.

'What, am I supposed to be scared of you?' Maya laughed sardonically. 'Big bad Lucas who breaks walls and gets in trouble. You couldn't even hurt that senior who bullied Zay. Sorry, Mad Dawg, I'm just not feeling it.'

Lucas didn't reply. He just looked at her. Kind of like he had in Texas. And just like then, Maya felt her heart hit her ribcage and something tighten around her throat. She didn't say anything, or move, or even breathe. She just sat there. She looked at him, and she let him look at her. He was asking how she knew he didn't do it. She was telling him because she knew _him_.

'Wait a minute,' Riley's voice shattered whatever had been around them, and Maya looked at Riley, who had now turned her body to face Lucas. 'You didn't hit Karl Heskins?'

'Of course he didn't,' Zay said, throwing his hands up in the air. 'Lucas dodged a punch and the guy fell and got a bloody nose. The only reason he hasn't been in school is probably because he's milking the injury for time off. Lucas didn't do anything to him. Sorry, buddy, but this has gone too far.'

'Couldn't.' Lucas said quietly, but everybody heard him.

'What was that, Mr. Friar?'

'Couldn't.' Lucas repeated with a sigh. His hands were clench into loose fists on the table, and that seemed to be all he could look at. 'I couldn't do anything to him. Part of me wanted to, but a bigger part of me wouldn't let myself. So, you were right, Mr. Matthews. People change people. I'm not that guy anymore, even if sometimes I want to be.' He looked up to glance at Maya, and then he looked to Riley. 'I'm sorry, Riley. I should have told you the second you asked, but I couldn't. Because I didn't want you to know.'

'Why?' Riley asked. 'Why would you not want me to know that you've changed?'

Maya could guess, but she didn't say anything. She glanced at Zay, only to find him looking back at her.

'Because,' Lucas said, taking a labored breath, 'I used to be able to protect you guys. I'm not so sure I can anymore,'

That was Lucas to a tee. Ready to give into his worst impulses, afraid of losing them, just so he could protect his friends. It reminded Maya of herself, and it reminded her why she liked him. And it made her feel guilty for bringing it up. Most of all it made her realize that that's what he'd been trying to do the whole time. Lucas wasn't protecting himself by not making a decision, he was protecting his friends. Or at least, he was trying to.

'Lucas,' Cory said. All five of the students looked at him, ready for him to give them an answer to a question they hadn't asked. One that hung in the air. Cory looked at them all like his heart was breaking. Then he shook his head. 'You can't protect them anymore.'

* * *

 **A/N: Okay so this was getting ridiculously long so I didn't get to add in the Maya/Ava stuff that I wanted to. I also couldn't fit in the resolution of the Nikki/Thor/Fran triangle, but I am planning to bring them back closer to Triangle (partly because I love the Nikki character that's in my head) and also because it'll be an interesting parallel, how theirs works out vs how the other one works out.**

 **Okay, rant over. Comment and reviews welcome :)**


	3. Girl Meets Jexica

'Riley, seriously. Let it go. It was not that big of a deal,' Maya told her best friend for the millionth time.

'Of course it is a big deal, Maya! It is the biggest, dealiest deal ever!' Riley insisted again, for the million and first time. Maya rolled her eyes. 'The only reason you don't think it's a big deal is because Popular Heather knew your name,'

'Do they actually call her that?' Maya asked, just as she and Riley reached their lockers.

'Morning,' said Farkle. It took Maya until she turned around to realize it was him, because she still hadn't got used to the lack of the _ladies_ every time he greeted them. Sometimes she missed Old Farkle. These days most of the time she wanted to punch New Farkle in his Donnie Barnes face. 'What's up guys? Riley?'

'Huh?' Riley said, turning around with a dejected expression. 'You know my name?' With that, she turned back around and stuck her head in her locker.

'What happened to her?' Farkle asked.

'This Sophomore girl Heather saw us at Demolition on Saturday and said hi to me, but she didn't remember Riley,' Maya explained, fully aware of how petty the problem seemed compared to the reaction.

'Popular Heather?'

Maya growled. 'Yes. Popular Heather.'

'She didn't remember her name?' Farkle clarified, sympathy coloring his voice.

Maya flinched. 'Actually, she didn't remember Riley went here,'

'Ouch.' Said Zay, appearing as if by magic, as was his habit. He flung an arm casually around Maya's shoulder, his eyes fixed on the headless body that was Riley. 'Sugar, you okay?'

'No,' Riley moaned from inside her locker. 'I am a freckle on the nose of obscurity, and I am not okay,'

'On that note,' Maya said, patting Riley gently on the back, 'Let's go learn something. I'm sure your dad will have some great nuggets of wisdom about this,'

'Nothing!' Riley groaned, dragging her feet as she left the classroom. 'A whole lecture about Mena-whatever causing the Trojan war and not one nugget of wisdom about my problem. Maya, you promised me nuggets of wisdom,' Riley turned to point accusingly at her best friend, who could only hold her hands up in apology.

'Actually, Mr. Matthews offered a very pertinent lecture about the dangers of letting one's hurt ego overshadow-'

'Not now, Smackle.' Maya said, running a hand through her hair. She felt bad for RIley. All Riley ever wanted was for people to like her, and it cut her so deeply when they didn't. Maya always prayed that nobody didn't. Finally out of reassuring words, she turned to Lucas. 'Ranger Rick, you want to field this one?'

'Uh, not really,' Lucas said, watching as Riley gently bumped her head against her locker, then reeled back and did it again.

Maya frowned. 'Well, too bad.' She ducked behind Lucas and pushed him forward.

He let himself be pushed, taking tentative steps towards Riley as if she was about to turn around, grow fangs, and go for his neck.

'You letting him go in there alone?' Zay asked her, watching the scene with glib anticipation.

'Shouldn't I?'

'You ever seen Lucas try to make somebody feel better?'

'Yeah,' Maya said, raising an eyebrow.

'How'd it work out?' Zay asked her, triggering flashbacks to a few choice incidents in which asking Lucas for support had ended up with him inadvertently making backhanded comments that only exacerbated an already bad situation.

'I should go over there, huh,'

'You think?' Zay answered incredulously.

Maya strode over to Lucas and Riley. Lucas hadn't made much progress. He was standing behind Riley looking gawky and uncomfortable, and Maya found herself a little annoyed that it was her who finally put her hand between Riley's forehead and the locker, placing her other hand on the brunette's shoulder to turn her around.

'Riley?' Riley groaned in response, her eyes still closed, a red patch on her forehead. 'Riley, there's someone here who wants to talk to you. It's Lucas. You remember Lucas, right?'

'I remember Lucas,' Riley said quietly. 'But does Lucas remember me?'

Maya glanced over at Lucas, jerking her head at RIley emphatically. For the first time in his life, Lucas actually picked up the hint.

'Of course I remember you Riley. You're very important to me. Why wouldn't I remember you?' Lucas said in his most soothing voice. The voice that sent shivers down Maya's spine, and made the pieces of her heart scrape against one another.

Riley opened her eyes, smiling slightly. Her smile fell just as quickly. 'Maya, tell him.'

'This girl Heather didn't know who Riley was when we saw her at Demolition on Saturday,' Maya explained, rolling her eyes, mostly so that she could keep them off Lucas.

'Popular Heather?' Lucas asked.

'Are we _all_ calling her that now?'

'I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, Riley,' said Lucas, reaching out of put a hand on Riley's shoulder. Unfortunately, Maya had already put an arm around Riley, so Lucas's unusually warm fingers met Maya's cold ones, and both of them pulled back they'd been stung by something. Riley was too upset to notice. 'Seriously, Riley. Heather's really nice. She'd never say that just to be mean,'

Maya felt her eyes fall closed in reverence to the idiocy of one Lucas Friar.

'She knows you too?' Riley said, making a noise that sounded dangerously close to a wail. 'That's just great. She knows my boyfriend, and his other girlfriend, but not me. I can just see it now. You two being prom King and Queen and me not being let in because I'm so unpopular that nobody knows who I am,'

'Riles,' Maya said, making Riley face her properly. 'You're globalizing. Just because one sophomore didn't know who you were, it doesn't mean you're not popular, but more importantly, it doesn't mean you don't matter,'

Riley's face brightened infinitesimally. 'You...you think?'

'Of course, Riles.' Maya said assertively.

'I was going to say that,' Lucas added, to which Maya just glared up at him.

'Yeah, but you didn't, Huckleberry, so scram.'

Lucas gave her a withering look. 'Honestly, Riley, it shouldn't even matter what Popular Heather thinks. She's not that popular anyway. People only know her because she posts all that stuff online,'

'Online?' Riley asked, finally turning to look at Lucas, who seemed to light up from the attention.

'Yeah,' he said, smiling. 'You know, she has that profile on the school social network, and she's always posting pictures. She's friends with practically everyone in school. Except...you, apparently.'

'Nice.' Maya deadpanned, fighting the urge to kill him

Riley shook her head with a smile. 'It's fine. I'm fine. Thanks Maya, and Lucas. You guys always make me feel better,' she said, and slowly, the Riley Sunshine grin returned. 'I'll see you guys at lunch, okay? Farkle, Smackle, let's get to our geography class,'

Riley, Farkle, and Smackle said goodbye to their friends, promising to meet at lunch, and tore off down the hall, already late.

When they were out of sight, Maya crossed her arms and looked up at the boy she liked more than any normal person ever would. She found him staring back at her with a sweet smile on his face, as if he was just happy she was looking at him.

'What do I see in you?'

* * *

Riley bailed on smoothies. She insisted she was fine, but when Maya met her at her locker after school, Riley insisted she was exhausted and had to go straight home to get started on her homework and watch Auggie while Topanga was at work and Cory had a faculty meeting. Maya didn't believe her, she could tell when Riley was lying, but what could she say? For the first time in years, each of them weren't the easiest person for the other to be around. Whether they admitted it or not, this messed up triangle was taking a tole of each of them. It linked three people together, and tore them apart. And it was tearing Maya to shreds. Which was why when she saw Zay leaving school, she chased him down and convinced him to get a smoothie with her instead.

'Your turn,' Zay said to Maya as he sat down, handing her her strawberry smoothie. He sat down beside her, a raspberry smoothie in his hand. Maya couldn't help but remember that raspberry was Lucas's favorite too. She also couldn't help but remember how pathetic it was that she knew that.

'Okay. "I just want you to be happy, even if that happy doesn't include me anymore".' She said. She and Zay were playing Guess the Movie Quote, a favorite of theirs. Zay would always pick quotes that made Maya laugh, and Maya would pick ones that reminded her of her life.

'I have no idea,' said Zay, frowning knowingly as he took a long sip of his smoothie.

'It's from The Longest Ride,' Maya told him, chewing on her straw before sipping her drink. When she saw Zay's smile she narrowed her eyes. 'What?'

'Quote from a movie about a cowboy and an artist, huh,?' Zay said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows in a way that made Maya want to wax them off.

'Riley made me watch it, okay? It was summer, and we were on a romance binge. What's your excuse, Jim Bob?' She shot back, taking his smoothie so that she could have a sip.

'I don't need an excuse. I'm Zay. I can get away with anything.' Zay replied triumphantly, Maya didn't contest it because it was so true. 'Seriously, though, that's really how you feel?'

'What's really how I feel?'

'That Lucas's "happy" doesn't include you anymore?' He asked her, his face softening into seriousness.

Maya pressed her lips together. Zay was one of the few people she could actually talk to about Lucas. He got it. He also knew how hard the summer had been for her, and how hard it was not being able to talk to Riley about it. Zay also understood how much it sucked that Lucas had divided himself in half and expected Riley and Maya to just go along with it. In his own words, he didn't agree with it, but Lucas could be pigheaded when he thought he was right.

'It's not that I necessarily think that,' Maya said, angling herself towards Zay so that one of her arms could rest on the back of the chair, 'It's that...I guess I'm getting to the point where I would be okay if it didn't, you know?' She sighed, running a hand through her hair. 'This whole thing has just become too confusing. Did you hear what Riley said today? She called me Lucas's other girlfriend. If that's not messed up, I don't know what is.'

'Okay, it's messed up.' Zay admitted. 'But you deserve to be happy, Maya. You shouldn't have to step back for Riley. Not this time,'

'This isn't about stepping back, Zay. I do deserve to be happy, and I'm not. Not like this. I don't want to share a boyfriend with my sister. What is this? A reality show about dating in Central Appalachia? Seriously, it's just weird. Because I was fine with just staying friends, but this having half a boyfriend thing? It's not agreeing with me.' Maya explained, sighing again. Honestly, she just felt too tired for all this. Between a constantly fluctuating heart rate, wavering between being absolutely smitten with Lucas and wanting to sock him, and wondering how Riley was feeling about all this but not being able to ask her, Maya just wanted to go to bed. 'And I do just want them to be happy. I'd never talk to Riley again, if that's what she really wanted. If...If me not being in equation made them happy, then yeah. I'd do that.'

'But it wouldn't,' Zay said, pulling Maya out of her thought tunnel. 'It wouldn't make Lucas happy. He likes you, Maya, you know that.'

Maya stirred her smoothie with the straw. 'Yeah, but not enough.' She said. No one ever liked her enough. Not her dad, not Farkle, not Lucas. They all cared, but not enough to make her the priority. It sounded selfish, but it really hurt. 'And it's tearing us apart, Zay. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want us to go too far down a road and not be able to come back. I don't want to lose two people I care about over something as idiotic as teenage relationships.'

Zay nodded, his expression grave. He stared at the remains of his smoothie before leaning over to put the glass on the table and face Maya. 'Maya, I've known Lucas for a long time. I know him probably better than his own parents, better than he knows himself. So I'm asking you, no, I'm begging you. Don't give up on him.' The harrowing honesty in Zay's voice was enough to make Maya consider it. 'He's dense, and he has a hard time understanding himself, and he's caught between who he is and who he wants to be. Trust me, he's carrying a lot more baggage than he'll ever admit to, and a hell of a lot more expectations. But he's a good guy. And he'll come to his senses eventually, I promise. You've just got to give him time,'

Without saying a word, Maya put her smoothie down and shuffled closer to Zay. She leant her head on his shoulder and he put an arm around her. 'He's lucky to have you, Zay. You're a great friend.'

'He's lucky to have you, too, Blondie. And he'll figure that out eventually.'

They stayed like that until Maya felt Zay shift underneath her.

'Hey, buddy,' he said, and Maya could hear the smile in his voice.

She tilted her head to see Lucas standing over them, a contorted and slightly pained expression on his face. He was wearing a coat, but even though it was slightly too big for him she could see his hand balled into fists under the sleeves.

'Hey, Huckleberry,' she said, shrugging off Zay's arm and sitting up. 'Whatchya doin'?'

'Getting a smoothie,' Lucas answered cautiously, like he was testing the waters by talking to her. 'What are you guys doing?'

'Just hanging out,' Zay said. 'We also got smoothies.' Maya elbowed Zay in the ribs. _Don't tell him to sit, you freaking Texas gooseberry, don't do this to me_. 'Feel free to join,'

'Okay.' Lucas shrugged off his coat, revealing a forrest green t-shirt, and sat where Maya normally sat around the coffee table. He looked at her, just like he always seemed to, his green eyes trying to say more than his mouth managed to. There was a time when she understood what he was saying without words. Not anymore. 'So, how long have you been here?'

'Too long,' Maya said quickly, slurping up as much as she could of her smoothie in what she intended to be her final gulp. 'I think-'

A phone pinged on the coffee table, vibrating enough to jolt Maya out of her thought process. Lucas and Maya looked at the table, and Zay looked between the two of them, a creepy smile etched on his face.

'That's your phone, Zay,' Maya said, nodding at it.

Zay picked up his phone and began tapping away. Maya realized she couldn't leave with Zay on the phone. And anyway, why should she leave? She was the one with the drink. She was the one with the heart that cracked on an almost hourly basis. She should be allowed to keep Topanga's. And Zay.

'I've got a friend request. Either of you won't-say-we're-in-love birds know who Jexica is?' _Scratch that. Lucas can keep Zay_.

Maya didn't let herself risk a glance at Lucas. 'Jexica?' She scoffed. 'What kind of name is that, Confederate? Another one of your girlfriends from the coral?'

'Did you just call him Confederate?' Lucas asked. Maya pointedly ignored him, but she would have been lying if she'd said she didn't get a little thrill out of hearing his indignation.

'No, Jexica goes to our school,' Zay said, pulling out his phone. 'I don't know what grade she's in but she does go there,'

'And her name is Jexica? Is that a name? Heck, is that even a word?' Maya joked nervously.

'Apparently,' said Zay, handing Maya his phone so that she could look at this Jexica girl's profile. 'Lucas, come check it out,'

Maya focused on looking at the screen, even though her brain wasn't processing anything, just to keep herself from killing Zay.

'Do you mind if I...' Lucas asked, and Maya looked up to see him standing next to her, gesturing to where she was sitting.

Maya shook her head, sliding closer to Zay so that Lucas could sit down beside her. Personal space had never really been an issue between her and Lucas, but for some reason the proxemics made her breathe a little deeper. She was hyper aware of Lucas's bare arm resting against hers. Hyper aware that he ran hot all the time, and that she was probably giving him a freezer burn, given that he was setting her skin on fire.

Lucas took a deep breath. 'So, she goes to our school?'

'According to her bio,' Maya said quietly, beginning to scroll down.

The profile was teeming with comments. Pictures and captions and posts adorned the page that was designed with a pastel pink and gold theme. There were comments and likes all over the pictures and posts, with the entire school seeming to think this Jexica girl was the coolest thing since Damien Hirst. Maya had never been on the school social network, but based on the comments and pictures posted, it seemed to Maya like the kind of place that insecure girls gathered in an unflagging effort to prove to the world that they exist. And boy did this girl exist. She had over a thousand 'friends'.

'Are you sure Popular Heather didn't just change her name?' Maya suggested with a snort. Beside her, she heard Lucas clear his throat, something she noticed he only did when he wanted to say something that he wasn't ever going to actually say. If this were another time, she would have pushed. She didn't push. 'This girl knows everybody,'

'Yeah,' Zay said, leaning over to take his phone back. 'I'll add her. Maybe she's a senior or something. Anyway, what were we talking about?' From the way Zay was smiling, Maya knew what was coming.

'We were talking about the fact that Maya has to go,' Maya said, gathering her things.

'But Lucas just got here,' Zay protested cruelly.

'Well, my life doesn't run by Huckleberry's schedule. Sorry,' she added, rolling her eyes at Lucas, as she shoved the last of her stuff into have bag and pulled on her coat. Lucas's mouth was open to speak when she said, 'See you guys tomorrow.'

And then she ran out of the door before he could start the sentence, because knowing her, she'd stick around to listen to the end of it, and knowing him it would be some well intentioned goodbye that came out as a disingenuous platitude and Maya would regret leaving her house that morning.

She was almost at the subway before she realized she had her coat on inside out.

* * *

'So,' Cory said with a triumphant sigh. 'What can we learn from Menelaus's reaction to Helen leaving for Troy? Farkle?'

'It was disproportionate,' Farkle said. Maya let her eyes fall on the back of his head, still unaccustomed to being seated in the second row.

'Was it?' Cory challenged. 'I mean, she's his wife. In that period, that would make her his property. Did he not have a right to go and get back what was his? Lucas?'

'Maybe he did, but couldn't he have talked it out? Did he have to take all those men, and risk all those lives for one woman, who didn't even love him back?'

'Mr. Friar has raised an interested point. Maybe a more rational approach would have been more appropriate. Maybe something as personal as his wife leaving him should have been dealt with on a small scale. By discussion instead of war,' said Cory, glancing at Riley. She had her head down and from behind her, Maya couldn't tell what she was doing. 'Miss Hart? Any ideas you'd like to share?'

'Not really.' Maya said, not bothering to lift her head up from where it rested on her desk.

'I'm sure you have something you'd like to add, Maya,' Cory urged, narrowing his eyes. 'What about the way Menelaus chose to deal with this conflict, huh? Was what he was seeking worth what he sacrificed for it?'

Maya shrugged.

Cory let out a cynical scoff. 'So, you think they could have talked it out? You don't think love is worth a war?' He said, raising his eyebrows. 'You surprise me, Miss Hart.'

'Lucas is wrong.' Maya blurted out. When Cory nodded, urging her to go on, she sat up. 'If you love someone, you don't talk negotiate terms for them to come back when they leave you.'

'And why is that?' Cory asked, a proud smile on his face.

'Because,' Maya said, taking a deep breath. When she glanced behind her at Lucas, she could see him watching her intently. 'If someone you love leaves you, you let them go. Because you have to let them be happy, even if them being happy doesn't include you.' She glanced at Riley, who hadn't even turned around. Something about that drained the confidence from Maya. 'And, uh, if, if you go after them, peacefully, or with an army, with the intention of forcing them to come back, you don't love them. You just love yourself.'

'Excellent analysis, Maya.' Said Cory. 'That's true. Sometimes self love is the deepest of all.' He stepped forward and placed his hands on Riley's desk, looking down at his daughter. Maya watched Riley's head tilt up, dark tresses falling backwards as she sat upright for the time since class started. When Cory spoke, he spoke only to his daughter. 'And often, self love is rooted in our insecurities.'

'But Mr. Matthews,' Smackle said from behind Maya. 'I thought what you were trying to convey with the lesson of Menelaus was not directly related to Helen. Rather it was-'

The bell rang, interrupting Smackle.

Cory straightened up and clapped his hands together. 'Well, we will continue this next class. Maybe by then the class will be ready for your hypothesis, Smackle.'

The gang gathered their things, and Maya struggled to match the speed with which Riley managed to get out the room.

'Riles, wait up,' Maya called. Riley stopped and turned around, but didn't look up from her phone. 'Who are you texting?'

'Not texting,' Riley said in a monotone. 'Working on something,'

'What are you working on?' Farkle asked, suddenly appearing beside Maya. Riley still didn't look up. 'Riley?'

'Huh?'

'I said, what are you working on?'

Finally, RIley looked up. 'Oh, nothing. Something for Auggie,' she said with a smile. She was lying again, Maya knew, but she was also wearing a wider smile than Maya had seen her wear in a while. 'You guys want to get lunch and sit outside? It's a beautiful day,'

'It's like, 50 degrees out,' Maya said, frowning.

'Oh, what's a little cold? The sun is shining, the birds are chirping-'

'Riley, there are no chirping birds in this city. It's just pigeons,'

'Well, then, we should feed them. Come on, to the cafeteria!' Riley enthused, clapping her hands together. She took off down the hall in her typical Riley Super Klutz fashion, not caring that she was in everyone's way and wasn't looking where she was going. Maya hadn't seen her so unburdened in a long time.

'I guess we're going to lunch,' Farkle said, taking Smackle's hand and heading towards the cafeteria.

'I'll catch up,' Maya called to him, gripping her bag strap harder than she needed to. Something was up with Riley.

Normally when something was up with Riley, she'd just come out and ask. But now, secrets between them weren't some far fetched, offensive idea. They were real, and evident. And Maya didn't feel like she was automatically entitled to all of them anymore.

'What's up with her?' Zay asked. It could Maya a sideways glance to realize that both he and Lucas had stayed behind with her. 'She's been weirdly happy these past few days, even for her, and that's saying something.'

'There is no happy limit for Riley,' Maya said, rolling her eyes. _Especially if she's trying to pretend everything is okay when it isn't_. 'One time, she saw this video of a cat hugging a teddybear online, and she was grinning for like, three weeks,'

'Oh, I've seen that,' Zay said, chuckling. 'Jexica posted it last night,'

'The girl with all the virtual friends?' Maya queried, raising her eyebrows. 'She's still a thing?'

'Ha. _A_ thing? She's _the_ thing. Everyone in school is friends with her and following her posts,'

'I've never even heard of this girl. What grade is she in?'

'Dunno. She sounds real sophisticated though,' Zay said with a smile. 'And pretty. I have a feeling she's really pretty. Maybe even my dream woman.'

'Don't let Vanessa hear you say that,' Maya said, then she looked over at Lucas, who was standing there with a very blank expression, looking like a spare part. 'What about you, Huckleberry? You stalking this Jexica character too?'

'Uh, no.' Lucas said slowly, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her. 'Not really.'

'You don't sound so sure about that,' Maya joked. 'You can tell me, you know. What's one more girlfriend on the roster,' It hurt to say it, but it hurt a lot more that even Lucas was keeping things from her now.

He at least had the sense to look a little embarrassed. 'I- I'm not- It...Look, are we getting lunch or what?'

'You do that, Ranger Rick.' Maya said. 'I'm going to the art room to finish up some homework. Later.'

* * *

By Friday morning, everyone agreed something was off. Riley was intermittently happy and distant, glued to her phone one minute and incandescently happy the next. No one knew what it was that was making her so happy, but they just went with it, because that was what they were doing now, just going with the changes, hoping to find an equilibrium someday.

Maya was happy to see her sister happy again. She wondered if this was how Riley had always been, and she'd become so used to seeing RIley's face dejected and one comment from crumbing that she'd forgotten what Sunshine Riley was like. The smiling, the laughter, the screaming YAY at the moment inappropriate moments all reminded her of a time before drama, before confusion, before change. And she had to admit she liked having it in her life again.

'337 multiplied by 4025,' said Maya, who was quizzing the two geniuses outside Cory's classroom.

'1356425,' Smackle said, beating Farkle, who opened his mouth just as she began speaking. 'Am I correct?'

'How should I know?' Maya scoffed, rolling her eyes. 'I'm no good at math,'

'You could used a calculator,' Farkle suggested.

'I don't even have a calculator,' Maya told him.

'Okay, guys,' Cory said, poking his head out of his classroom door, 'Come on in,'

Everyone began to file in for class, and even Riley put her phone away. Maya was just about to go in when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her back away from the door.

'Ow,' she said, yanking her wrist free. 'Zay, what is it?'

'I think I know what's going on with Riley,' he said gravely.

'Okay, what?'

'I don't know if I'm right, but it all seems to make sense,' he said in a flurry, holding his phone so close to Maya's face that she was sure her eyesight significantly worsened.

'Calm down, Gossip Girl, what am I looking at?'

'It's Jexica's profile,' Zay said, handing Maya the phone.

She took it, looking at the hundreds of comments. All she saw was how much everyone was so enamored with this random girl with a weird name. 'Yeah, so?'

'Look at last night's post,'

Maya did what he said, pacing up only once before she saw it. 'Oh my God.' She said, her eyes widening so much that it hurt. She looked up and gave Zay back his phone while she collected herself. 'Look, just don't say anything, okay?'

'Okay.' Zay said, nodding, and then following Maya's lead into the classroom.

When they entered the room, Cory didn't ask where they had been, but Riley looked up. She smiled at Maya, but Maya couldn't bring herself to smile back. Part of her had hoped Zay had made a mistake. But the moment she looked at Riley she knew it was true. Maya just took her seat in stoic silence.

When had things got this bad? Maya didn't even know what was going on with her best friend. She'd barely seen Riley all week, and it was weird, and it hurt her feelings, but she rationalized it because she and Riley weren't who they'd always been. She'd just assumed things were changing again, that they were growing in different directions. That's how bad things were now. Maya Hart, the girl who never took anything lying down, had ignored all the signs that something was wrong with Riley because she was just too tired to fight anymore.

'Right,' Cory started. 'So, we were talking about Menelaus. We were talking about him going to Troy to reclaim his wife Helen, after she left with Paris. Who has thoughts?' Cory looked around the class, and Maya prayed he didn't pick on her. She didn't have anything else to say.

All she could think about was how Riley preferred to spend her time pretending to be someone else than be wit her best friend. How Riley was willing to cut herself out the group just to fit in with people she didn't know. How she hadn't put it together sooner. How she was losing touch with the one person who kept her grounded. How much all of that goddamn hurt.

'Smackle,' Cory said, casting his eyes behind Maya. 'I think the class might be ready for your theory,'

'I think I have understood what you were trying to teach us through this story, Mr. Matthews. While your explanation of the story shows a general disregard for the source material, I believe the point you were trying to make was that Menelaus sacrificed many things that were important to him, all in pursuit of something that ultimately was not.' Said Smackle. Maya turned around to look at her. 'He did not love Helen, yet he was willing to sacrifice the lives of his subjects, his best warriors, and even his brother, in pursuit of her.'

Cory smiled. 'And why was that?'

Maya raised her hand. 'Because having Helen made him feel good.'

'Go on, Miss Hart.'

'She built up his ego. It wasn't her that mattered to him, it was how he saw himself when he had her. So he chased after her so he didn't have to let go of that image of himself.' She said. She knew the whole class was staring at her, but all she could look at was the back of Riley's head. Not one hair was moving, nothing to even signify she was still breathing. 'He was willing sacrifice the things that mattered just to feel like _he_ mattered.'

Riley finally swiveled around in her chair to look at Maya. Maya could see on Riley's face that she knew that Maya knew, and Maya hoped her face was conveying something akin to sympathy. It wasn't like it was with Lucas, she couldn't understand Riley just from looking at her, but in that moment they both understood enough for Riley to breathe in.

'You know,' she said.

'Yeah, I know.' Maya told her, letting out a breath.

'How did you figure it out?'

'Bunny farms,' Zay piped up.

Maya sighed. 'Jexica- _you_ , posted a picture of a bunny farm with the caption hashtag life goals. Zay picked it up. He showed me.'

'Wait a second,' Farkle said, turning himself around. 'Riley, you're Jexica?'

'Yes. Okay? There, I admitted it. I made up a fake profile online so that I could be popular, is everyone all caught up now?' Riley said, throwing her hands up in the air before letting her head smack against the desk. 'You can all throw rotting fruit at me now, or inflict whatever punishments are reserved for the lowest creatures of humanity,'

'Riley,' Farkle said quietly, looking intently at his friend, who actually lifted her head to look back at him. 'Why did you do it? Was it just because of Popular Heather?'

'Yes. No. I don't know,' Riley said to Farkle. 'I'm Riley, right? I care more about what other people think of me than what I think. And I'm trying to change that, but I still want people to like me.'

'People do like you, Riley,' Farkle told her with a smile, reaching his hand across the space between their desks. Maya was surprised when Riley met him half way and curled her fingers around his.

'People don't just like you, Riley,' Maya chipped in. 'We love you.'

'I know,' Riley said, turning to offer her other hand to Maya, who took it immediately. 'And I'm sorry I've been ignoring you guys. You're all right. Wanting strangers to like you isn't a good reason to mess up things with friends who love you,'

'That's an excellent observation, Riley,' Cory said from his desk, smiling at his daughter. He caught Maya's eye over Riley's head and smiled at her too. 'Mr. Friar, you don't have anything to add? No moral indignation or sage words of wisdom?' Maya frowned at Cory's unusual sarcasm.

Then she looked at Lucas, only for him to glance back at her nervously. 'I kind of already knew,' he admitted sheepishly.

'You _knew_?' Maya asked incredulously, grateful that she was still holding Riley's hand lest she use both to strangle that lying, good for nothing Boy Scout. 'For how long?'

'The whole time,' he told her, sighing as if this secret had been weighing on him.

'You knew the whole time?' Asked Riley, as her hand heated up against Maya's.

'I'd know you anywhere,' Lucas said to her, rolling his eyes, though he was half smiling.

Maya didn't know whether it was she or Riley who let go, but their hands melted apart when he said that. 'You said something nice to her, now you look at me and say something nice to me,' Maya said quickly, trying to lighten the suddenly heavy mood.

'Fine.' Lucas said hurriedly. 'I'd know you anywhere too.'

'You didn't even try!' Maya snapped, surprised by how much that stung.

'You know, buddy, someday you're going to have to stop recycling your moves,' Zay said to Lucas, shaking his head.

'I'm just so tired,' Lucas said, putting his head in his hands with a groan.

'I managed for nine years,' Farkle said mournfully. 'Freak Face over there can't even take nine weeks,'

The whole gang chuckled at that, finally turning their attention to the front of the class.

'I think we can get back to the Trojan War now, sir,' said Farkle, his shoulders rising in anticipation.

'Guys, look around,' Cory said, gesturing around the room. It was empty but for the six most outspoken students. 'Lunch started ten minutes ago.'

* * *

Maya put her History book in her locker, savoring the quiet of the empty hall. In middle school it hadn't been so heard to find a quiet hallway, in high school in was near impossible, except on a Friday afternoon, twenty minutes after school had ended.

Maya had stayed in the art room to put the finishing touches on her painting, even though she was now late to meet the rest of the gang at Topanga's. Glancing at the picture of her and Riley she had taped inside her locker, she smiled. It was taken during summer, with her and Riley in Central Park, making goofy faces at Zay, who was holding the camera. Farkle's arm was just visible in the side of the frame.

'Cute,' a voice said behind her, and Maya turned around to see Lucas leaning against Riley's locker.

'Uh, thanks.' Maya said, closing her locker abruptly. 'Aren't you supposed to be at Topanga's?'

'I am. So are you,'

'I was finishing an art piece.'

'I had to talk to Coach,'

'Okay.' Maya said after a pause. 'What's up, Hopalong? You're looking at me funny,'

Lucas smiled fleetingly, look at his shoes. 'I didn't mean what I said in Mr. Matthews' class,'

'About being tired? Why-'

'No, I was totally telling the truth about that. I am _so_ tired,' Lucas said, to which Maya laughed. He smiled, seemingly glad to see her laugh. 'I didn't mean what I said about knowing you anywhere. I wouldn't.'

Maya frowned. 'Okay,'

'Honestly, you've always been kind of a mystery to me,' he said, looking at his shoes again. Maya smiled when she noticed that a blush was creeping onto his cheeks. 'I like it.'

Maya smirked, crossing her arms and leaning against her locker, mirroring Lucas's stance. She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. 'Is this you trying, Huckleberry?' She joked. 'I like it.'

'What are you two still doing here?' Cory called, coming down the hallway. He was holding his briefcase, and his tie was loosened with the top button undone. 'Don't you have anywhere you'd rather be on a Friday afternoon? 'Cause even I do and I'm old. See ya.' He passed them on his way towards the door, waving as he went.

Lucas and Maya turned back to each other, but whatever had been happened wasn't anymore. The bubble had burst, and the residual soap drip was awkward. They stood there for a few more seconds, Lucas rubbing the back of his neck, before Maya picked up her book bag.

'So,' she said, pointing to the exit. 'Smoothies?'

'Sounds good,' Lucas agreed, and they started towards the door. 'I was thinking I might actually drink mine this time, instead of wearing it.' He stopped to hold the door open for Maya. 'What do you think?'

'We'll see.'

* * *

 **AN: Okay, so GMJexica is a pretty Riey centric episode, and since this story is form Maya's POV you don't see everything that goes on with Riley, hence the added stuff that Maya does when she's not with Riley. If anyone thinks that's a massive deviation from the show and it doesn't make sense, please comment, because even I'm not sure if I like it. GMPermanent Record will also not have very much Riley because in my head that's a Riarkle episode, but I'm hoping to add in the Maya/Ava stuff and definitely more Lucaya.**

 **Comments and reviews welcome :)**


	4. Girl Meets Permanent Record

**A/N: So I'm back. I had a very hard time with this chapter because GMPR was not an episode that really grabbed my attention in terms of development of the characters/triangle when I read the spoilers. And then Season 3 started and I was kinda weirded out by how wrong I was about the plot which made things a but harder. Anyway, after watching GMJexica (which I really didn't like) I figured I would continue this story for people looking for an alternative to the current storyline. That said, I would really like reviews/messages about what I should do about Ski Lodge/post Ski Lodge, from anyone who has read the spoilers and gets what I mean about the obstacle there...**

 **PS. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Especially the person who said they liked my GMJexica better than the show one, that's really what made me want to continue!**

 **PPS: The first person to comment with the correct episode of the BMW reference in this chapter can send me a line a dialogue line to include in the next chapter!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

Maya was humming a tune as she pulled her Spanish homework out of her locker and slipped it into her book bag. Yes, she had actually _done_ her homework. Why, she couldn't say. All she could say was that things had been looking up for the past few days, and in light of that, sitting at her desk for twenty minutes to conjugate some verbs hadn't seemed like the end of the world.

'You sing?' Zay's voice asked beside her.

Maya turned to see him standing next to her, leaning against Riley's locker without a car in the world. Sometimes, his cavalier attitude irked her to no end. Today, she just raised an eyebrow.

'Everybody sings. I bet if I snuck into your shower I'd hear you singing,' she said, running a hand through her hair.

'Hey now,' Zay said, taking a tentative step back, 'I ain't said nothing about us taking showers. I like you and all, Blondie, but ain't you got enough going on in your love life?'

Maya punched Zay in the arm with a glare.

'Ow,' said the boy, making a show of rolling up his sleeve as if checking for a bruise. 'Dang girl. You got anger problems. You should see someone about that, before you end up like-'

'Like who?' Maya sighed, closing her locker. If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was people starting sentences and not finishing them. _If you don't know how the sentence is going end why would you start talking?_

'Like me,' said Lucas from behind Maya.

'Oh,' she said, turning around. She glanced at Zay, who looked like his fight or flight response was malfunctioning. Lucas was just holding his gym bag slightly tighter than usual. 'I think I'm a little way off _that_ ,'

'Ouch,' Zay said, not even kidding. His elbow hitting her arm told Maya she'd overstepped.

Like an angel, Riley appeared. 'Hey, guys,' she said, grinning. 'Maya? Are we going to Spanish?'

Maya looked up from the floor, straight at Riley. 'Yeah. See ya.'

* * *

'Okay, class,' Miss Cabrera said, pulling out a stack of papers from her desk drawer. 'I'm going to hand back your Spanish tests. Now, I know you're all still getting adjusted to high school, but the grades on this test weren't reflective of the standard I expect from this class in future, so keep that in mind,' she said as she was going down the rows. Everyone looked pretty disappointed, and even Maya was a little uneasy.

'Ah!' A small strangled voice whined behind her, and Maya turned around to see Riley holding her Spanish test with a look of horror on her face.

'Riles, breathe.'

Riley shook her head. 'No. Nope. Can't do that can't breathe it's bad Maya it's very bad can't breathe I'll _never breathe again_.'

'Riley, it can't be that bad,' said Maya, reaching over to wrench the paper out of Riley's hand. She unfurled it so that she could see the grade on the top. 'A _D_?'

'Try again.' Riley deadpanned.

'A D.' Maya deadpanned, trying to keep the inflection out of her voice.

'Still not good.' Riley said dejectedly.

'Look at it this way, Riles,' Maya said, grinning as she turned around to pick up her own paper and hold it out to Riley, 'you can't have got a worse grade than me,'

Riley took Maya's paper and looked at the grade. The next thing Maya knew, Riley was grinning like someone had given her the key to a bunny farm.

'I got an F?' Maya asked with a scoff. She was trying her best to pretend she wasn't disappointed. She'd actually kind of, sort of, maybe studied for this test. She kind of, sort of, maybe thought that would make a difference.

'No, Maya,' Riley said, holding up Maya's test so that she could see the bright red letter on the top right hand corner.

'A,' Maya said, raising an eyebrow at the paper. ' _A_ what?' _A_ detention? _A_ make up assignment?'

'No, Maya. You got an A,' Riley said excitedly.

Maya could feel herself break into a grin. 'I got an A? Seriously?'

'Yes, seriously, Maya,' said Ms. Cabrera from the front of the class. 'I was extremely impressed with your grasp of the language, and the speed with which you've picked up new grammar,'

Maya felt a blush rise to her cheeks, and Riley's hand squeezed her shoulder. In the next moment, she wondered about Riley. She'd never gotten a D before. She hadn't had years of failure to harden her to the disappointment. Maya didn't even have to turn around to know Riley was still staring at her grade. She'd obsess about this. She'd study herself to hysteria. And for the first time, Maya didn't know how to help. She didn't want to tell Riley not to care. The thought confused her. What was happening to Maya Hart?

Maya turned to Riley, finally having settled on a plan. 'Riles, it's going to be okay,' she said, seeing her sister's dejected expression. 'You can always take this test over, and even if you can't, it doesn't matter. It's just one little test,'

'Well, I wouldn't say that,' Ms. Cabrera interrupted. Maya turned back to her. _Shut up, lady. Shut up._ 'These grades go on your permanent record,' _Shut up!_ 'Which is why you all need to put more of an effort in. Your high school grades are of a lot of interests to-' _SHUT. UP._ 'Colleges.'

The sound of a thud echoed behind Maya. Followed by another one. Slowly, the rhythmic sound of Riley banging her head against her desk filled the room.

* * *

'What's with the face, Huckleberry?' Maya asked Lucas when he sat down at lunch. Lucas glanced at her, his scowl softening slightly, but not entirely. Then his eyes seemed to fall on Zay and he redoubled his scowl and stabbed a fork into his mashed potatoes. 'What's with his face, Hillbilly?'

'If I were you, I'd leave that alone,' said Zay, clearing his throat. 'What's up with Riley?'

Both he and Maya looked at Riley, who had her Spanish textbook open on the table, but had long since given up actually reading it, and was now just resting her head on it and muttering unintelligibly.

'If I were you, I'd leave that alone.' Maya said, pressing her lips together.

Riley sat up suddenly, springing into her upright position. Her movement even startled Lucas. 'Maya got a better grade than me,' she said with a groan.

' _Maya?'_ Farkle chimed in, looking up from his Sudoku book. 'As in, Maya Penelope Hart,'

'You say the P word one more time,' Maya growled, gesturing to him with a fork. 'So I managed not to fail a test.' She brushed it off, spearing a tater-tot and putting it in her mouth. 'It was a fluke.'

'Maya,' said Farkle, shaking his head emphatically, 'don't sell yourself short. An A in Spanish is almost as good as my grade,'

'Farkle is right, Maya. An excellent grade in spanish means you are, by definition, an excellent student.' Smackle added, which just made Maya madder. Why couldn't the two geniuses pick up on the fact that Riley was in pieces over this. Why couldn't they just let it rest.

She glanced over at Riley, who was moving tater-tots around her plate with a dour expression. 'No, I'm not. It was a fluke. Who cares? It doesn't even matter,' Maya said, rolling her eyes.

'But it does matter,' Riley squeaked. 'That's going to go on your permanent record Maya. You're going to have an A on your permanent record, and I'm going to have a D in Spanish. _Forever_.'

 _Oi vey_ , Maya thought, _this girl is a lot of work_. 'Riley, it was one test. You can ask for a make up test and up your grade. Right, Farkle?' Maya said through her teeth, hoping that her wide eyed look was conveying her thoughts to Farkle. _Do not do a Lucas. Do not inadvertently make this worse, Genius. Fix it. Fix it now._

For once, Farkle seemed to pick up the hint. 'Right. It's not beyond fixing, Riley. You just have to study really hard for the next one,' said Farkle, offering Riley a reassuring smile. Riley glanced over at Farkle and smiled back. 'And then you won't have a bad grade on your record,' Riley's smile brightened even more, and Farkle followed her lead. Not for the first time, Maya felt like she was interrupting something.

'Yeah,' Zay said chirpily. 'And Lucas, Coach isn't going to give you a bad grade in gym just because I'm-'

'Zay,' Lucas snapped, shaking his head at Zay, who stopped talking and looked away.

'Ooh, go on,' Maya urged, finally smiling. When Lucas was uncomfortable was when the good stuff tended to come out. 'I wanna know what happened,'

'Zay,' Lucas said again.

'That's witness intimidation,' Maya said, waving her fork at Lucas.

'Yeah, and it's working,' said Zay with a scoff before going back to his food.

'Okay, Zay,' Maya said, angling herself towards him, 'Who are you more afraid of? Moral Compass, or me?'

'I'm better at baseball than Lucas.' Zay said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender.

'What?' Maya asked.

'I'm sorry, buddy,' Zay said to Lucas, taking a deep breath. 'I'm a lover, not a fighter, and Blondie is frightening.'

'You're better? At baseball? Than Lucas?' Maya repeated, trying to configure an inconceivable situation in her head. When she couldn't, she swiveled around in her chair and looked at Lucas, along with everyone else at the table. 'Lucas, is that even possible?'

'Ha!' Farkle said, in a that freaky air-horn-imitation-way that he did, which made Maya secretly thrilled. 'You're not a freak, Lucas. You're not good at everything,'

'He is good,' Zay said awkwardly. 'He's just not...'

'As good as you,' Maya finished gleefully. She knew it was cruel, but for once, Lucas was on the receiving end of something that didn't make him look so much better than her. He wasn't the moral compass, or the best, or the scholar-athlete. For once he wasn't good enough. 'Oh, I'm going to enjoy this,'

'Maya, don't make fun of him just because he's not good at something,' Riley chided, sighing sadly at her Spanish book.

'I'm not _bad_ at baseball,' Lucas argued.

'Sure you aren't,' Riley said, reaching over to pat his arm placatingly.

'Yeah, I'm sure your college application won't say, not as good as Zay, on it,' Maya said with a stifled chuckle.

Lucas's hands balled into fists on the table, and he got up, his chair scraping along the floor with a horrifying sound. 'I'm going to go hit some balls on the baseball diamond,' he said, glancing at Maya. 'I'll see you guys later,'

As soon as Lucas left, Riley, now seeming even more agitated, closed her Spanish book and picked up her things. 'I'm going to the airport to buy a ticket to Barcelona,' she said, scurrying out of the cafeteria.

Maya frowned. She wasn't sure whether she should go after Riley, or Lucas, or just go and hide in a supply closet. Maybe she was too mean to Lucas, but she'd wanted to see him squirm. She'd been squirming for weeks and he'd had it easy. So now it was her turn. But she was just kidding, playing their game. _Why doesn't he get the game anymore? Maybe because we're hardly even friends anymore._

When she finally came back from Mayaville to the lunchroom, Farkle and Smackle were back to racing to finish the Sudoku, and Zay was looking at her, shaking his head.

'You had to ask.'

* * *

'Where's Riley?' Zay asked as soon as Maya entered Topanga's alone.

Maya sank into her usual seat beside Zay with a heavy sigh. 'She went home straight after school. Something about smoothies ruining her GPA.'

'She's taking this permanent record thing pretty hard, huh?'

'Yup.'

'She a lot of work, huh?'

'The toughest.'

'But you love her,'

'More than anything.' Maya said, chuckling. 'Anyway, Farkle said he was going over to talk to her. I figured he was more equipped to deal with an academic crisis than me.'

'So the square dance continues,' Zay mumbled.

'What do you mean?'

'Nothing.' Zay said, shaking his head. Maya was just about to press him more when he said, 'Lucas is still hiding out,'

'Over the stupid gym class thing?' Maya said with an eye roll.

Sometimes she wished Lucas would give up trying to be perfect. Not only because it was futile, but because it didn't make him happy. And she wanted Lucas to be happy. She hadn't seen him really happy in ages. Sometimes he reminded her of Riley. Lately that thought made her stomach turn.

'It's about more than just gym,' said Zay, looking troubled.

'What's it about?' Maya asked. She missed the days when she could just badger Lucas into telling her. She missed the days when she just _knew_ what was bothering him.

'He said I was winning at everything lately,' Zay said with a pointed look.

'Zay, you can't even win at crazy eights,'

Zay sighed, slapping his face with his palm. 'Is everybody in New York this dang _slow_?'

'You wanna help a girl out, Jim Bob?'

'Sorry,' Zay laughed, clicking his tongue. 'No can do, Blondie. I said I ain't gettin' involved and I'm not.'

'Involved in what?' Maya insisted. When Zay didn't answer she punched him in the arm. 'Tell me.'

'No.' Punch. 'Nope.' Punch harder. 'Ah!' Punch again. 'Quit it, Pancake!'

'Hey.' Maya stopped when she heard her mother's voice.

'Hello, Ms. Hart.' Zay said, waving politely at Katy as Maya fell back into her seat.

'Always so formal. I was gonna say you can call me Katy, but that wouldn't make a difference, would it?'

'No, ma'am.'

'You eat three boxes of my cereal and it's still ma'am,' Katy said with a chuckle. 'Anyway, where's the rest of the gang?'

'Having a fit over their permanent records,' Maya explained. 'They all think they'll never make it into college because of some minor slip ups,'

Katy nodded solemnly. 'You're not worried about it, Zay?'

'Nah. I'll get in somewhere, unless colleges having something against cow tipping. If they do, I'm gonna end up teaching ballet in the laundry room of my apartment building.' Maya felt her eyebrows raise. There was a little of Riley in Zay, too.

'You know,' Katy said to the kids, fiddling with the dishcloth in her hands, 'you guys are lucky to feel so secure. Have a little sympathy for your friends. It's not easy coming to the realization that what you do matters now. If you're happy with what you're doing, maybe it doesn't hit you, but if you're not...'

'It knocks the wind out of you,' Maya finished, suddenly knowing exactly how that felt.

Because it _did_ matter more now. Everything mattered more. Grades meant futures. Getting older meant growing up, it meant changes, changes that could make or break relationships forever. These were the years that would turn everyone into who they were going to be. So it did all matter now. And if they screwed it up they might not be able to fix it.

'Maya,'

She didn't know whether it was Zay or her mom who had said her name, but Maya picked up her bag and yelled a quick goodbye to them as she headed towards the Matthews residence.

On the way over to Riley's, more than just grades were swirling around in Maya's head. If this was it, if this was the permanent record of life, she was failing miserably. She was snapping at her friends, she was letting life happen to her instead of doing anything about it, and she was letting Farkle do her job as Riley's best friend. This wasn't the kind of person she wanted to be. She knew what kind of person she _did_ want to be, but lately, the road to that had been winding, and paved with stones that made her trip. She thought of herself the night before, doing her science homework, and the A on her Spanish test. When was the last time she had actually felt like down-on-her-luck, snarky-but-hopeful, good-old-fashioned-bad-influence Maya Hart? She couldn't even remember.

'Where's Riley?' She asked when she burst into the Matthews' living room.

Cory, who was sitting at the kitchen table grading papers, looked up. 'You have a key?' He asked as she slotted the spare key into her bad.

'Keep up, Matthews, where's Riley?' She repeated.

'In her bedroom,'

'She still freaking out about the Spanish test?'

'Yup.' Cory said with a shake of his head. His resigned expression turned to confusion. 'I didn't know we had a foreign languages department. When did you guys start taking Spanish?'

'Beats me,'

'Half an hour ago she was crying that the only college that would accept her grades was in Uganda,' he said with a shrug.

'Shawn told me Feeny made that place up,' Maya countered.

'And apparently you don't take Geography either,' Cory said, shaking his head again. 'Good luck with Riley,'

Maya knocked on the door to Riley's room.

'Entrar!' Riley called back. _Great. Please don't tell me we're going to have The Bay Window (spanish dubbed)._

'Honey?' Maya called, poking her head around the door. The room wasn't a wreck, which was a good sign, and Riley was sitting in the bay window, reading her Spanish textbook, but she looked up when Maya came in.

'Duraznos,' Riley said brightly.

'Peaches,' Maya said. 'In Spanish. Hilarious. Riles, you have to snap out of this.'

Riley shook her head. 'No. Tengo que mejorar, Maya . No quiero una mala...' She stopped, flipping a few pages forward in her book. 'Maya, what's the word for transcript?'

'I don't know,'

'Well, you should. You got an A,' Riley shot back.

'Well, I don't.' Maya said, getting annoyed. Riley continued to flip through the vocab list at the end of the book.

'Maybe you don't deserve the A, then.'

'I probably don't.' Riley didn't even look up to see how the comment had stung Maya. 'And if I don't deserve my A, you don't deserve your D, so can you stop this, please? Ring power.'

'Rats.' Riley said, closing her Spanish book and throwing it on her bed in one erratic motion.

'Look, Riley, I know you're having a hard time with this permanent record revelation, but it's going to be okay.'

'How? How is it going to be okay, Maya?'

'Because, we can change it. At any point, we can decide we don't like how it's going and turn it around. You can study more for our next Spanish test. You can end high school with an A in Spanish, Riley. It's not too late,'

Riley sighed, sinking into herself a little bit, letting Maya know that Riley was finally hearing her. 'I feel like it's already too late,' she said sadly. 'For so much. I feel like there's already so many things that I can't take back,'

'I know,' Maya said, resting her hand over Riley's in the space between them. 'Me, too. Gosh, the things I'd go back and do differently,'

'Like Texas?' Riley asked, looking up.

 _Would I take back Texas? Would I take back campfires, and stars, and the moments that made my heart beat faster than it ever has? Would I rather he didn't know? Would I rather he never knew?_

Maya looked into her best friend's eyes. They were deep, and beautiful, and wanting. She could see the _wanting_ in them. And she was Maya, so she had to give Riley what she wanted.

'Yeah.' She said, even though it hurt her to say it. 'And so many other things.'

'Me, too,' Riley said, squeezing Maya's hand. 'Do you really think we have a hope of changing our trajectory?'

Maya shrugged, and she flung an arm around Riley's shoulders and pulled her closer until she felt a head on her shoulder. 'There's always hope.'

* * *

'Hey,' said Maya, as soon as she saw Lucas. It was pitch dark but the steps next to Topanga's were lit by a streetlamp that looked like something out of Narnia.

'Hey,' he said, clattering down the stairs with a confused look on his face. 'Riley's not here,'

'That is _so_ not how you're supposed to greet one of your girlfriends,' Maya joked as Lucas sat down beside her. He sat with his feet on the step below hers, so their knees rested against each other.

Lucas sighed. 'Sorry. I just thought-'

'Relax, Huckleberry,' Maya said, giving his arm a playful nudge. 'It's cool.' She smiled, hooping he'd smile back at her like he always did, but he didn't.

'I don't know what's cool and what's not anymore,' he said, almost coldly. Almost like the way he talked to Riley when he was mad at her.

'It sucks, doesn't it?' Maya said gravely. She tried hard to think of a joke to diffuse the situation, but then she decided she didn't want to look back on this one day and think that she hid what she really wanted to say with humor. Not with Lucas, anyway. It was just her and Lucas, she didn't have to play to the audience now.

'Yeah,' Lucas agreed. 'It really sucks. I'm tired all the time, walking on eggshells, I don't know what to say to who, and whoever I don't say it to seems to get mad. I feel like I'm in a fish tank, and everyone is looking at me all the time. You're all making sure I'm sitting on the fence, and then getting mad at me for sitting on the fence.'

'I'm not mad at you,' Maya said quietly. She watched him as he talked, this uncharacteristic outburst accentuating a tension she'd only noticed in passing. This wasn't easy on him either, she realized. But he'd never said anything. Because he was Lucas Most-Likely-To-Be-Okay-With-Anything-That-Happens Friar. When he scoffed, Maya winced. 'I'm not. I swear, I'm not.'

'Really? Because I detect a fair amount of hostility,' Lucas said acidly. 'At least, when you're not off hanging out with Zay,'

'What does Zay have to do with this?'

'Nothing.' Lucas replied, his eyes sliding away.

'Is this about the baseball thing?'

'No.' Lucas said simply. 'You just seem awful close lately.'

'So?' Maya said, trying to understand what he was getting at. Was he...jealous. _Oh, that is rich. Even he has to see the irony here_. 'Chill, Sundance. I'm not filming Triangle: The Sequel. Zay and I are just friends. We got close over summer,'

'At least I know what you were doing instead of answering my emails now,' Lucas said sardonically.

'Don't be bitter. You know Zay...he just gets it.' She said. 'You believe me, right?'

'Sure.' He said. Silence fell over them, and Maya missed her direct line to what Lucas was thinking. She wondered if she'd ever get it back, or if she was wrong to hope that she could repair this very rickety bridge between them. 'Why'd you call, Maya?'

'Because you and I have been...it's been weird lately. And I thought maybe I could fix it if we just talked, you know? Like we used to. Away from the spectators and the hysteria. I just...we were friends, before all this. Before Texas, before New Year's, before high school, and girlfriends, and awkwardness. We were friends, weren't we?' She expected him to chime in immediately. When he didn't, she looked over at him. 'Weren't we?'

'Yeah, Maya,' he said, his eyes never leaving the fingers that lay knotted in the space between his knees. 'We were friends,'

'Well, I want to get back to that.' She said, a gust of wind cooling her warm cheeks.

Lucas frowned, an unusually high level of concern in his eyes. 'But-'

'I know we have different feelings now,' said Maya, almost choking on the admission. 'I know that we're all trying to figure this out, and that you don't want to hurt anybody, and Riley really likes you. I know all that. But, and don't tell anyone this or I'll kill you, I like knowing that we can talk, and laugh, and that if I ever need something, you have my back,'

'I do,' Lucas told her vehemently. 'I always will,'

'Because we're friends, right?' Maya reiterated. It was dumb, but after everything that had happened this year, she needed to hear it. Because now that it had dawned on her that everything mattered, she wanted to know that Lucas still wanted to be her friend. Because that mattered more to her than she would ever say out loud.

'Are you breaking up with me?' Lucas asked, a hint of humor in his voice. _Who's playing to the audience now_?

'No,' Maya replied, wishing she had the strength to say yes. _I could end this right now,_ she thought to herself, but her heart wouldn't let her. She suspected that it would be her that ended it eventually, but not tonight. Tonight, she just chuckled. 'Someday, this whole thing will be a weird anecdote that we'll laugh about when we're sitting in our motorized wheelchairs in Topanga's. We'll figure it out. But between then and now, I really just want you and me to be friends first, and friends forever. No matter what happens,'

'Okay.' Lucas said, but he looked straight ahead like he was still trying to figure out how he felt about it.

'Is it really okay, or are you just trying to do your whole Mr. Perfect thing?'

Lucas scoffed. 'No, it's really okay,'

'Good.' Maya said, nudging him, and he nudged back. It was a tiny gesture, but it loosened whatever vice was clamped on her heart.

'Can I ask you something?' Lucas said after a while. In fact, it had been so long that Maya had begun to wonder if they were ever going home.

'You just did,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'What prompted...this,' he gestured at the non existent space between them.

'My mom,' Maya said, wondering if she could explain it right. 'She was the one who worked out that Riley wasn't scared of not doing well at school, that she was just afraid of being at point in life where what we do finally matters. And when she said that, I got scared, too. I realized that this, you and me, it matters. And I don't want to screw it up. Wherever it goes, I want it to be something good.'

When she was finished, she turned to Lucas, and he was looking at her. Really looking at her. In a way he hadn't for months. A way that made her skin feel more like skin. A way that made her wonder if she could ever end this.

'It already is.'


	5. Girl Meets Triangle

**A/N: So I posted this new chapter earlier that I expected, partly because I love the idea of this episode, and partly because I want to get significantly ahead of the show with the chapters.**

 **A couple of small notes. 1) There's been some debate about whether the jelly bean thing happens in Upstate or in Triangle, but I decided that in my head they do it once in Triangle, and again in Upstate. 2) I have finally decided where I'm going with in relation to the supposed 'conclusion' of the love triangle up until Ski Lodge. Past Ski Lodge, I warn you now, there will probably be more Lucaya interaction outside of the "show scenes" because my idea is likely to veer off what the show intends to happen. 3) There is** **obviously loads of debate over the airing schedule of the episodes, and while I'm sure they'll end up splitting this cluster and adding eps like GMSassy Halter Top in to break up the monotony of the triangle, I'm doing this in a block. So it's going to go Triangle/Upstate/True Maya/Ski Lodge 1 &2 and then potentially GM I Do but I'm not sure.**

 **Guest (j.l): You completely made my day with your review (which totally made sense by the way)! I read it like 5 times while writing this chapter!**

 **TheVelvetDusk: Thank you! Your review actually inspired what I've decided to do with the upcoming episodes, specifically Maya! Also, thank you for saying you liked the way I was writing Lucas. Much as I love him sometimes I feel like he needs bonus scenes in his POV to explain him better but thanks for letting me know I'm doing my job!**

 **To all other reviewers, THANK YOU SO MUCH 3**

* * *

'1789,' said Farkle.

'Tennis court oath. 1827,' Smackle shot back.

'Greek war of Independence. 1912,' Farkle countered.

'Titanic sinking,' Smackle said with a grin.

'Morning,' Riley said, waving to get the attention of the geniuses.

'Hello,' Smackle said, waving mechanically. 'Do you two want to join in our game of History Trivia?'

'No, that's okay,' Riley said with a laugh. 'You guys carry on,'

Farkle and Smackle went back to their game, cranking out dates and events at an alarming speed.

'They're weird,' Maya said, opening her locker.

'They're geniuses,' Riley replied, glancing over Maya's head to smile at their friends. Maya suspected she was just smiling at Farkle, but far be it from her to point that out.

'Weird geniuses.' Maya insisted with a chuckle. Riley rolled her eyes and opened her locker and started pulling out books. 'What was Auggie so chipper about this morning?'

'He's hanging out with his friend Doy after school,' Riley said as they both closed their lockers.

'Doy?' Maya asked with a frown. 'Auggie has a friend named Doy and no one in your house has called CPS on his parents yet?'

'His name is actually Dewey,'

'So why do you call him Doi?'

'Don't start this again,' Riley implored, dragging her hand down her face. Maya just laughed.

'Hey, guys,' Zay said as he sauntered down the hallway with Lucas in tow. Maya couldn't help but glance at Lucas, only to notice that he was already looking at her.

'Hey,' Riley said, grinning.

'Gettin' cuter every day, sugar,' Zay said to Riley, winking at her.

Riley, powerless against Zay's effortless charm, giggled. 'Aw,' she said. 'He's so sweet. Isn't he sweet, Maya?'

'Yeah. I've got a cavity.' Maya said, leaning back against her locker as she rolled her eyes. She didn't dwell on the fact that they rolled right over to Lucas. 'How's it going, Sundance?'

'Things are looking up,' he said. It was about as close to flirting as Lucas Friar had ever been, and Maya had to fight back a grin.

'Wait, Maya why are you wet?' Zay asked suddenly, snapping Maya out of her daze. _Zay knows everything_.

Maya looked down at her clothes, noting the slight dampness. It was only then that she remembered the light jog from Riley's apartment to the subway. She shrugged. 'It was raining this morning,'

'Yeah, but don't you carry an umbrella every time you see a cloud?' Lucas queried with a frown.

'Nice to know you're up to date with my umbrella habits, Huckleberry,' Maya said, crossing her arms over her chest. 'It's true, I usually carry an umbrella. Today I didn't. That's what I get for being optimistic about the weather,'

Lucas raised on eyebrow. 'You? Optimistic?'

'Ouch,' Maya said, only half hurt.

'Lucas is just pointing out that your usual behavior reflects a more world wary personal view,' Smackle added, appearing beside Zay as if she'd been listening the whole time.

'Thank you, Smackle,' Lucas said, surprised. He smiled at the cute genius, and Maya shook her head. _You never learn, do you, Bucky McBoingBoing?_

' _Lucas_ ,' Smackle said with a heavy sigh. 'You have got to stop hitting on me. I have a _boyfriend_. And you have two girlfriends. It can never work.'

'And back in reality,' Maya said, diffusing the awkwardness before it could set in. Since her conversation with Lucas a few days ago, she'd been feeling a lot less awkward about The Triangle. So what if they were sister-girlfriend-dating a guy who wore too much blue, they were still friends. 'I made a bad call on the weather, this is not exactly news. Come on, Riles, we're going to be late for art class, and I'm super excited to finish my piece.'

* * *

'Riley,' Maya said, shaking her head at her best friend as she looked over at what Riley had been working on. The assignment had been 'Paint your view of the world', and apparently Riley's view of the world still included, 'Purple cats? Really? We couldn't leave that in middle school?'

'But Kitty would be lonely in middle school,' Riley said, smiling lovingly at her paper pet. She held up the paintbrush she was holding. 'Besides, at least I'm using a paintbrush now. Baby steps.'

'More like embryo steps.' Maya said, turning back to her own piece.

'Oh, Maya, embryos can't walk,' Riley said with a smile.

Maya looked up from her painting and over at Riley, was dragging her drenched-in-purple paintbrush across the already overwhelmingly purple painting. 'A _triangle_.' She said again, shaking her head.

She went back to her painting, happy to dive back into her own world. She'd painted the view from her bedroom window, using the picture she'd taken as a guide. It was taken right at sunset, and everything was bathed in a golden light. Maya had never been all that happy with where she lived, but nowadays, it really didn't seem all that bad. Especially when everything was bright, and the remnants of the day were just fading. If you had a bad day, the warm light promised an end to it, and if you'd had a good one, you were enveloped in the feeling that tomorrow would be another one just like it. Maya liked that feeling. She liked looking at that picture and thinking of the good days.

'Maya,' a voice called, making Maya look up, and pulling her out of her zone.

She looked up to see her art teacher beside her. 'Yes, Mr. Rivera?' She asked, watching as he looked over her piece. Maya liked Mr. Rivera. He was tough, but fair, and not one of those teachers you couldn't imagine actually doing what they taught. Mr. Rivera had an artist's eye, and an artist's spirit.

'Your piece is...not what I was expecting,' he said carefully, glancing up at his student.

'Because it's brilliant?' Riley interrupted, leaning over into maya's personal space. 'Because Maya's a brilliant artist, and I'm the artist's best friend so I would know,'

'Technically, yes, it's superb. You have a skill level well beyond your years,' said her teacher. Maya beamed. _I seriously love this guy._ 'However, it's empty.' _Scratch that. He an absolute, unadulterated imbecile._

'Empty?' She repeated, hoping for his sake she'd misunderstood him.

'Completely devoid of emotion.' He said, his eyes still fixed on the painting that she now felt compelled to hide from his view. She wanted to throw a sheet over it, or burn it. Anything to stop him ruining how proud she was of it.

'My piece is not empty,' she argued, looking at the painting. The light was glowing, the people looked alive. What was this nutjob even talking about?

'Then tell me, what were you feeling as you were creating this?' Her teacher asked, finally looking her.

Maya wished it was him putting her on the spot that made her draw a blank, but it wasn't. She was thinking about good days, and about pretty sunlight, and whether the guy carrying the take out in the right hand corner was eating for one.

'I don't know,' she said shakily. 'Happy?'

'You see? You don't know. And it shows.' Mr. Rivera said. He didn't seem angry, just disappointed, which was so much worse. 'I told you to paint your view of the world. Your task was to give me a window into your mind. All I see here is a bright street, on a sunny day, and...a purple cat in the corner?'

'It's not purple,' Maya said defensively, looking at the cat in the corner of the painting. In reality it was grey, but the thing looked mangy, like it deserved something with more pizzaz. 'It's purple- _ish_.'

Mr. Rivera shook his head, bending down slightly so that he was at Maya's eye level. 'Art is about how you _feel_ , Maya. About what you can make someone else feel. It's about pain, and aguish, and volatility. I don't see any of that here. All I see here is...' He trailed off, looking to the other side of the room. 'Well, her,'

Maya followed his gaze to the back of a girl picking up a tube of purple paint. 'Riley?' She asked, confused. 'You see Riley?'

Her teacher nodded, looking slightly mournful. 'I see that she has a profound effect on you, and on your artistic voice. I look at this painting and all I see is your friend, and apparently that's all you see, too.'

* * *

Empty. Was she empty? Was her art empty? Having something to say is what made art great. Maya had thought she had something to say. Something to say about feeling abandoned. About feeling replaceable. About having no dad and half a mom, and a best friend who she considered a sister even if she was better then her in every way possible. She painted the moments she wanted to disappear, she drew her escape from her world.

But when was the last time she'd really felt like that? When was the last time it had all become too much for her? When was the last time she'd cried because she didn't think things were going to get better? When was the last time she'd put an umbrella in her bad just in case it rained?

Was that it? There was nothing left of her? It was all just Riley. Everything she did was Riley. Getting good grades, studying, _hoping_. When did Maya Hart ever hope for anything? But Maya Hart as Riley Matthews hoped for things that once she couldn't even bring herself to think about getting. And now her art was empty.

'Maya,' Farkle's voice pulled Maya back to the present. She came back to the classroom, but she continued to stare at the pen in her hands. 'Maya,' She looked up to find the whole class staring at her.

'What?' Maya snapped. 'What do you want?' She felt instantly contrite when she saw Farkle's crestfallen expression.

'He doesn't want anything, Ms. Hart.' Cory said. He had his arms crossed, and he was staring her down like he did in the old days, when she was the Class Delinquent. 'I asked you a question,'

'I wasn't listening.' She said, shrugging.

'Yes, I see that,' Cory said calmly. He was wearing one of Riley's expressions, the one with the infinite compassion and desperation to understand. 'Is everything okay?'

'Yeah. I'm just tired. Feel free to go back to your thinly veiled life lesson.'

The bell rang, and Maya breathed a sigh of relief. The scrutiny was over, and she could go to lunch, eat, go to gym and go home.

'Okay. Assignments in on Friday.' Cory said, as the class packed up quickly and scurried out of the classroom like the place was on fire. Then Maya remembered it was chimichanga day in the cafeteria and started to move quicker. She was almost out of the door when she heard Cory say, 'Maya,'

 _Dang it. Almost made it._ Maya stepped over to Cory's desk.

'Sup, Matthews?'

'Are you okay?' Cory asked quietly. 'Riley mentioned you've been acting this way since art class,'

'I'm fine, Mr. Matthews. At least, I think I am,' Maya said, to which Cory just nodded, seemingly realizing that this was not his jurisdiction. He probably assumed it was Lucas related, which always made Cory run for cover. Maya had barely made it out of the room when she was confronted with her friends. 'Whoa. Hello to you, too,'

'Hello, Maya,' Riley purred suspiciously. 'Care to tell us what's wrong?'

'My mother sold me into marriage in return for a goat,' Maya said. And then she laughed. 'I'm kidding. I'm just hungry. I need me a chimichanga,'

'Are you still coming over after school?' Riley asked, worried.

'Of course,' Maya said, even though she'd completely forgotten about going Riley's. She wanted to go straight home, but Riley would never let her. 'I left my cell in my locker, so go save me one, okay?'

'Okay,' Riley said, walking off towards the cafeteria with the rest of the gang in tow.

Maya turned around and ran her hands over her face. She breathed in deeply. _Get through the day. If you can just make it through the day, you'll be fine. You can get a tuna melt and rewatch Ferris Bueller's Day Off._ With that in mind, she combed her hands through her hair in an attempt to compose herself.

'Are you really okay?' Zay asked.

Maya swung round, having not even realized Zay had stayed behind. 'Yes, Zay, I'm okay.'

Zay nodded. 'You're not okay, are you?'

'I...' Maya didn't know what to say. She had no idea how she felt. But there was no point in lying to Zay, after he'd just witnessed all that. She just shrugged. 'Honestly don't know who or what I am anymore.'

* * *

When Riley and Maya got back to the Matthews apartment, they were both shocked. Topanga and Cory were sat at the kitchen table, arguing with a very irate Katy Hart.

'I do not want a party,' Katy said, standing up to make her point.

'Okay, no party. Just a gathering,' Topanga said, revealing the lawyer in her by placating the angry party.

'No.' Katy said flatly.

'What about a double date?' Cory suggested eagerly.

'No!' Katy said, exasperated. Maya was transfixed. Her mom was never exasperated. She must have been at this for a while.

'What's going on?' Maya asked when they was a lull in the conversation. 'Mom?'

Katy turned around, grinning when she saw her daughter. 'Oh, thanks heavens. Maya, what's going on with you?'

'What?'

'Oh, no, missy,' Topanga said. 'We are not done here,'

'We are done,' Katy told her, still focused on Maya, who was squirming under all the attention.

'Mom, what's going on?'

'These crazy people want me to have a party for my anniversary with Shawn,' Katy explained, rolling her eyes. She went over and put her arm around Maya, pulling her hard into her side as she gestured with her free hand dramatically. 'Imagine it, baby girl. Me, you, Shawn, and a hundred of our closest friends all under a sparkly banner saying _happy anniversary_.'

'I'm thinking no.' Maya said, cringing at the thought.

'Similar Harts think alike,' said Katy with a smile that faltered when she noticed Maya's expression. 'Now seriously, baby girl, what's going on?'

Maya shrugged. 'Nothin'. Why?'

'Because Brillo-head called me over and said something was going on with you,' Katy said, nodding over at Cory.

Cory gasped. 'You promised to never say that again!' He said to Topanga.

'You promised me a sun nook.' She said, narrowing her eyes.

'Maya,' Cory enthused, glad for a change of subject.'You were very upset in class today. I called your mom because I'm worried about you. You weren't acting like you at all,'

'Yes, I was,' Maya said incredulously. 'Sullen, sulky, not paying attention in class. That's me, Matthews, it's so me...' Everyone in the room was confused. Maya realized she was, too. She was so _freaking confused_. 'Until I turned into Riley,'

And with that, she marched off to Riley's room. She closed the door behind her and slumped down in the bay window. _Come on, Bay Window. Give me something. Even when I was at my most hopeless, my most pessimistic, I always believed this window held some kind of power. So give me something now. Please._

'Maya?' Riley asked, poking her head on around the door.

'If you don't mind, Riley, I'd really like to be alone right now,' Maya said quietly. She sighed, tapping her feet against the floor in a quick rhythm.

'Peaches,' Riley said sweetly, coming into the room and closing the door behind her. 'You know I'd never leave you all alone in here,' she said, sitting down beside Maya. 'This is my bedroom.'

'Mr. Rivera thinks my art sucks,' Maya told her.

Riley's eyes were suddenly wide as saucers. 'He said that?'

'He said that my art doesn't have an real pain in it anymore,' Maya explained. 'He said that you've affected my artistic voice. He thinks it's holding me back,'

'He thinks I'm holding you back?' Riley said, hurt even by this tiny comment someone irrelevant made that wasn't even about her.

'It's not your fault, Riles,' Maya said, taking Riley's hand. 'You see the good in everything. You're always happy, and why shouldn't you be? For you, the world is full of possibilities, and hope...' As she said it, it dawned on her fully. 'And for as long as I've known you, I've wished I could be _like_ you. And it's happened, hasn't it? That's why everything's bright, and pretty, and there's purple cats,'

'Maya, what are you saying?'

'I'm saying that you and me used to be so different, Riley,' Maya said, slowly becoming emphatic. 'I was the bad influence, the tough one, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks...and now I'm...When was the last time I encouraged you to do something stupid? When I made you blow off homework, or sell all your clothes? Or steal free samples from a make up counter?'

'That's not stealing, they're free,'

' _Riley_ ,' Maya groaned. 'We used to be opposites. Now...I'm not even _like_ you, I _am_ you.'

'Maya, we're still different-'

'We're even dressed the same,' Maya pointed out, gesturing to their outfits. They hadn't dressed to match on purpose, but they did.

'No we're not,'

'Floral dress, military jacket, and boots. Spot the difference,'

'They're different colors,' Riley said hopefully, a small smile lightening the room but not the mood. 'What's so bad about being me anyway?'

'Because I'm not you, Riles. Or maybe I am,' she said, beginning to wonder. Taking on Riley's characteristics had changed her. It had changed what she had to say in her art, who's to say it hadn't changed other things? She remembered dressing like Riley, talking to Lucas just like Riley...'Maybe everything I've done lately has been a reflection of what you would do. Maybe I don't even want what I want. Maybe I want what I think you do,'

They were both thinking it.

'Like Lucas?' This time it was Riley who had the guts to say it.

'What?' Maya said, feigning ignorance.

'Maya,' Riley said seriously, staring Maya down. 'Do you actually like Lucas? Or are you just trying to be like me?'

'I...' _Say something. Anything. Even if it's a lie._ 'I don't know...'

* * *

 _This is a mess. It's an Archie comic with a side of introspective reflection that's more confusing than Kantian philosophy. I'm not me. Or, I am me trying to be someone else. So how much of this me is me? How much of it is who I wish I was? Do I even wish I was that person? Do I look back on who I've been lately with a smile? Do I want to stay this person? Because she's happier, and she's hopeful. But she's stuck in a love triangle, which is cliche at best and sickening at worst. And she's spending too much time studying and not enough watching Saved By The Bell. And she's so terrified of being herself that she's forced herself to be someone else._

 _So if I'm Riley, and everything I want is what Riley wants, does that man I don't want Lucas?_

Maya pondered this for the millionth time that day. She thought about how when she'd sat down next to Lucas that very first day, all she'd seen was that he was cute. She didn't want to marry him, she didn't think he was her prince charming. She thought about giving him the horse so that he could make Riley feel like the princess she deserved to be. She thought about those gross muffins they'd made. She hadn't wanted him then. If she hadn't wanted him back when she was her, maybe she only wanted him because she was Riley.

But then she thought about how he smiled when she called him Lucas for the first time. She thought about their bet that Farkle was a clone. She thought about the day she'd found out he wasn't as perfect as everyone thought, and how she tried her hardest to make him feel better the day that everyone else found out, too. How he took all her teasing in stride, how she trusted him enough to find her own moment in the quiet. She thought about how even in front of a beautiful fire, under a million stars, she still wanted to look at him.

 _How could all of that not be real?_

'Hey.' Lucas said, making Maya jump.

She turned around to look at him, unsure if she'd called him there by way of cosmic pull. But there he was, standing outside Mr. Matthews' classroom, waiting for History, same as her. _What are the odds our two classes let out early?_

'Hi.' She said breathily.

'Hi.' Lucas said, smiling tightly.

'Wow,' Maya said after a moment of thought. 'I never realized how hard it can be to think up another word. Sorry for ragging on you all this time,'

Lucas chuckled, but it took effort. 'It's cool. It's what we do,' he said, settling back into an expression that made Maya uneasy. Until she remembered what it meant. Then she felt jittery.

'What's with that face?' She asked, narrowing her eyes.

'What face?' Lucas's eyes were moving so much they looked like pinballs. He wouldn't look at her.

'The face you had when I told you to ride the white horse into the gym,' she accused.

'Well, you have the face you had when you told me to ride the horse,' Lucas shot back. Maybe it was true, but if he weren't on the defensive he wouldn't have mentioned it.

'Now you're being defensive. You're thinking something.' Maya decided, stepping closer to him. 'What is it?'

'You're thinking something, too,' Lucas said, matching her stare. Except she was craning her neck to look up at him and he towered over her.

Maya looked straight up at him. She looked into his eyes, trying to read him. 'You're thinking about sports, aren't you,' she said, crossing her arms over her chest. 'You're thinking about sports to throw me off what you're really thinking about,'

'All I'm getting from you is strawberry smoothie,'

'You two are early,' Cory said, stalking down the hall and opening the door to his classroom just as other students seemed to appear from nowhere. 'Come on in,'

Maya and Lucas gave up on their questioning and followed the stream of students into class, taking their usual seats without looking at each other.

 _As if I don't have enough on plate. My entire identity is falling apart, and Lucas is plotting world domination. Okay, maybe not world domination...but he could be plotting to steal the candy bar I have in my locker._

'Maya,' Riley said, as soon as she made it to her desk.

'Riley,' Maya repeated as Riley sat backwards in her chair so that she could see Maya.

'Do you have something to tell me?' The brunette urged.

'No,' Maya replied, worried that this conversation wouldn't remain private for very lone. 'Riley, give me some time to think about this,'

'You had all night,'

'No, _you_ had all night. _I_ had to get some sleep.'

'Aha,' Riley said, her eureka moment bearing a strange resemblance to Farkle's, 'so you're not like me,'

'What are you guys talking about?' Zay asked as he walked past them to get to his seat.

'Nothing.' Maya said firmly.

'Did you tell them already?' Zay asked Lucas.

'Tell us what?' Riley asked. Lucas looked like he had just been trampled by thirty horses and was now hanging onto a rope while dangling precariously over a combine harvester.

'Excuse me,' a voice squawked from the far right of the room. Everyone swiveled to catch sight of a mousy girl who looked simultaneously familiar and redundant. Except for her really annoying voice. 'I hate to interrupt circle time, but some of us would like to learn,'

'Who are you?' Zay asked, echoing the thoughts the other taken aback classmates were too scared to voice.

'Okay,' Cory said, drawing everyone's attention. _Great, some advice disguised as history. This should help_ , Maya thought. 'Yesterday, we were discussing Tudor England. Specifically, Henry VIII and the formation of the Anglican church. Now, when we left off, Henry was trying to decide whether to stay with the Catholic church, the institution for which had been instilled in him a great respect, or break with tradition and form a new church, one he alone would direct. The interesting thing was-' Cory stopped talking when Maya raised her hand. 'Yes, Maya?'

'May I be excused?'

'Why?'

'Because this does not relate to my life in any way,' she said incredulously. What was happening to the world? She came to history class on the understanding that it was going to solve her problems. Not because she cared about men who thought jousting was fun and people who ate too much meat.

'Is that why you come to class? For bits of history related to your life?' Cory asked the class.

'Yes,' the entire class answered in unison. It was the first time most of them had spoken, but apparently they had lives, too.

'But I like this lesson, Mr. Matthews,' said Lucas, too enthusiastically to sound genuine. 'It relates to my life,'

'I really don't want to know, Mr. Friar,' said Cory, shaking his head in resignation.

'Who's Catholic?' Riley apparently did want to know. Even Maya turned around to hear the answer to this. One of them was Catholic, and one was the promise of a new church. _How, I wonder, is fuckboy Friar_ _going to talk his way out of this one?_

Lucas gulped. 'I-'

Riley turned back to her father as if she already had the answer. 'Dad, how does the story end? Does Henry stay Catholic?'

'No.' Smackle said from the back of the class. All of this swiveling beginning to hurt Maya's neck, but she turned back to Smackle anyway. 'He is excommunicated by the pope. This leads to the dissolution of Catholic monasteries and an overhaul in ecclesiastical practices in England, but it leaves Henry free to divorce his wife and marry the woman with whom he was utterly enraptured, Anne Boleyn,'

'Well,' Riley said dubiously, 'that's kind of sweet. What was Anne like?'

'Excuse me,' Cory said, waving a hand. 'Teacher, hello?'

'Smackle time, sir?'

Cory, looking utterly defeated, sat on his desk. 'Oh what the heck,'

'Anne Boleyn was a woman ahead of her time. Henry Tudor had kept her sister as a mistress, but Anne refused to bow to the pressure to become his second. She brought him around to the conclusion that she deserved more than to be a discarded mistress, but he could not marry her without divorcing his current wife, Catherine. His desire to finally marry Anne was a key factor in his decision to break with the Catholic church,'

'And they lived happily ever after,' Riley finished.

'Actually no,' Smackle told her. 'She was later beheaded after approximately 900 days of marriage.'

'Oh.'

'Moreover, the forming of the Anglican church led to uprisings, and political unrest in England that continued through the reign of many English monarchs,'

'So, he would have been better off staying a Catholic,' Lucas said. He looked confident in his little contribution, vilified even.

'Do not smile at me, Lucas. I am _taken._ As for you assertion, not necessarily,' Smackle said. It was amazing to Maya how she never seemed to lose her cool. 'The Catholic church was a corrupt institution, and Protestantism was already a growing movement on the continent. And, Anne Boleyn was the mother of Elizabeth Tudor, arguably the greatest English monarch, and certainly the greatest female monarch. Whether Henry should have remained Catholic depends on your personal view.'

'Imagine what would have happened if Anne hadn't pushed him into making that choice,' Riley wondered aloud, her head tilting to the side. Maya watched a whole other world begin to unfold in Riley's eyes.

'Everyone needs a push sometimes,' Maya countered. She couldn't quite explain why, but she didn't like the idea of an alternative history in which everyone was too stubborn to make changes or take chances. After all, wouldn't it have made for a present where no one had accomplished anything? 'Imagine if I hadn't pushed you into Lucas's lap on the subway. Where would we all be now?'

'Wait,' Lucas said, his word almost caught in his throat.

'Oh no,' Zay groaned.

'You pushed her?' His shock was evident.

'Oh no,'

'Yeah,' Maya said, scoffing. 'I can't believe you never knew that,'

'I was too nervous to talk to you, so Maya pushed me,' Riley explained carefully, probably reacting to the way Lucas turned a scary shade of purple, and dropped his head onto his desk with a thud, beginning to hit it again the desk rhythmically, in a way distinctly reminiscent of RIley. 'Zay, what's happening?'

'No need to panic, folks,' Zay said to the whole room, nodding reassuringly with a fixed grin. 'Lucas is just worried about an impending jelly bean coma,'

At the front of the class, Cory shook his head knowingly. 'Never use the red ones.'

* * *

'So, here we are,' Riley said, tapping her hand against her thighs.

Maya sighed. 'Yup,'

'Back in the bay window,'

'Yup,'

Silence fell, and the girls looked around. Maya had no idea what to tell Riley. She hadn't figured out very much.

'Is it working yet?' Riley asked suddenly.

'Riley,'

'Maya, this is important. You have to face it.'

 _Face it. I can do that. I can tell her the truth. She's my best friend, and my sister. She'll understand, even if I don't._

Maya took a deep breath, closing her eyes. For a moment, there was no bay window, no Riley. It was just Maya.

'Mr. Rivera was right, Riley. I have been trying to be like you. Maybe I didn't recognize it at first, but it's been going on for a long time,' she said, swallowing. 'And the truth is, it is affecting my art, because without knowing who you are, you can't know what it is you want to say.'

Riley waited for more, but Maya didn't say anything else. 'And?'

'And, I've come to the realization that who I've been trying to be isn't who I am, and might not be who I want to be. And I don't know who I want to be yet, but I've got time to figure that out,' said Maya. It wasn't much, but it was enough for now. If she'd figured out one thing it was that it was okay for her not to know who she really was. She was right on schedule for this kind of thing. If she gave herself a clean slate, she was right where everyone else was at her age.

'We'll figure it out together,' Riley said, as if reading her thoughts.

'Thanks, Riles,' Maya said, as she was enveloped in a hug. It felt like home. 'Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being someone I wanted to be,'

'I want to thank you, too, Maya,' Riley said when she let go. 'For being someone I wanted to be,' she told her best friend. It was a little phrase, but it meant more than Maya could admit. 'And for pushing me when I needed it,'

Maya grimaced. 'About Lucas-'

'That's okay, Maya,' Riley said, smiling. 'I know when not to push. I learnt that from you,'

Their bay window moment was interrupted by shouting from the living room.

'Girls!' Topanga called. 'Get out here!'

The girls scurried out into the living room, once again finding Katie standing by the table. This time all three of the adults were grinning.

'What's up?' Maya asked the giddy fools.

'We finally thought of the perfect anniversary activity for Shawn and your mom,' Topanga squealed excitedly. Maya raised an eyebrow. Excited Topanga kinda scared her.

'We're all going to go upstate to Shawn's cabin for a couple of days,' Katie said, to which Cory and Topanga nodded enthusiastically.

'Yay!'

* * *

Maya scraped her hair back into a ponytail and put Ginger in the crate in the corner of the room. It had been a long day, and Maya was ready for it to be over. She wasn't tired per se, but she needed to get in bed, and wake up to a tomorrow that would hopefully be less fraught.

She checked her phone, seeing on goodnight message from Riley as expected, and two missed call from Zay. She thought nothing of it. It could wait until tomorrow. Or maybe not.

She was just unlocking her phone to call him back when she heard knocking on her window. She turned around to see Lucas sitting on her fire escape, dressing in the same clothes he'd worn to school, looking a little frazzled.

'Ranger Rick?' Maya pulled up the window, shocked by how cold it was outside. 'What are you doing here in the middle of the night?'

Lucas frowned. 'It's eight,'

'Oh. Well, then what are you doing here at eight?' Maya asked him, suddenly feeling underdressed in her Chubbie's t-shirt and pajama shorts, although Lucas didn't seem to notice.

'Can I come in?' He asked, his breath blowing white in the cold.

'Sure,'

Maya stepped back to let Lucas try to manoeuvre his tall frame into the window, which he did after getting his limbs slightly tangled. He righted himself quickly, breathing increasingly deeply as he stood on Maya's carpet looking strangely lost.

'I've spent my whole afternoon with Zay and Farkle,' he started.

'Poor you,' Maya deadpanned, afraid of what she could see written all over his face. He didn't mean he'd gone out for a milkshake or played football in the park. Maya knew what they'd been up to. The thinking face, the dodging her questions, Catholic or protestant, it all made an alarming amount of sense.

'We were-'

Maya held up a hand to stop him, pressing her lips together before she spoke. 'Heehaw?'

'Yeah?'

'Not tonight, okay?' She said quietly, shaking her head. _Not when everything is up in the air like this. Not when I don't know if this is real. Not when my whole reality has fallen apart._

'But-'

'Lucas,' Maya begged, making him close his mouth immediately, his eyes flooding with concern. _Damn. He is such a good guy._ She smiled ruefully. 'Thank you, but not tonight.'

'Why are you thanking me?' He asked awkwardly, slotting his hands into his pockets. He didn't look guilty exactly, just uncomfortable.

'For coming over here,' Maya said with a shrug. 'For wanting me to know first,'

'I won't say it,' Lucas promised gently. 'But do you know what it is?'

'No,' she told him, swerving past him to let Ginger out of the crate so that she could crawl over to Lucas, who she loved with an abandon that irritated Maya. The ferret crawled straight over, clawing at the bottom of Lucas's jeans until he bent to pick her up. 'But right now it doesn't matter. I have a bunch of snacks and a friend who doesn't have to be home until ten,'

Lucas smiled and sat down in the armchair by the window, which really was too small for someone of his height, with Ginger nestled in his lap. He looked relaxed, finally, concentrating on the ferret while Maya eyed him curiously.

'Do you wanna talk about it?' He asked when he looked up.

'No.' Maya said, shaking herself out of her daze. 'But we can talk about something else. Is that okay?'

Lucas laughed. 'I let you pour a smoothie on my head. I think I can deal with a conversation,'

Maya smiled back at him. She didn't feel like Riley right now.

'Do you mind if I paint while we talk?' Maya asked, gesturing to the easel and stool by her desk, 'I have something I really need to say,'

* * *

 **A/N: This is a short one I promise. I just wanted to make it clear that Lucas never sees what Maya paints, nor does he ever find out why she was painting it. This will be important later ;)**


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